Tommyinnit oneshots I wrote at 4AM

Deez nuts

In case y'all can't read the text in the picture, it says "Crow in a burrito" and yes, 'tis my art.

Tommyinnit's POV:

Oh shit oh fuck oh shit fuck bitch ass mother fu-
I thought to myself while running probably for my life through an alleyway while being chased by a good 4-5 people. "Oh just give up and stop running already!" One of the guys said.
Like hell I'm going to just casually stop running, asshole. I thought to myself while coincidentally stopping to allow a raccoon carrying cotton candy to scamper past so I didn't trample him.
"Oooh, hello little guy!" I said totally forgetting about the FIVE PEOPLE BEHIND ME CHASING ME WITH KNIVES. Though, they are pretty shitty knives. Nice and d u l l.
The raccoon simply hissed at me and scurried away into a part of the alleyway I didn't know existed. "So, Tommy, mind not running and making this easy for me?" Some rando guy from the group tailing me said while ordering his lackeys to make sure I didn't try anything funny.
Like a few measly little bitchy people are going to stop me. I thought to myself.
"Guys, if you wouldn't mind, care to beat the shit out of this kid for me please?" The greasy old slimy smelly crispy nasty- okay, getting off topic- douche said while sending me what I assume was supposed to be a menacing glare.
"Wait- Jared, why don't you beat the kid?"
"BECAUSE THEN I'D GO TO JAIL DUMBASS!" Jared shouted.
While the men started bickering, I was pondering my escape while singing your new boyfriend by Wilbur Soot over and over on loop in my brain.
"FORGET THIS! JUST GET THE DAMN KID!" Jared shouted effectively shutting the other guys up.
"Guys, guys, no wait- M e n, can't we uh- can't we talk about this?" I said while slowly backing towards what I hoped was an alternate exit.
My hopes and dreams were effectively crushed after I turned around to run and was met with a very ugly and stupid and definitely not taller than me brick wall.
Fucking wall- how dare you be built here. This is my area bitch- step aside. I thought while casually sprinting my way around the people to dart towards where I saw that raccoon go.
"AYE! AFTER THE KID!" The supposed Leader of the group shouted while sprinting after me while the others just stood around. I should probably have taken this out ages ago. I thought while skidding to a stop to yank out my trusty dagger named Deez Nuts.
"AYE! BIG MAN! CHOKE ON DEEZ NUTS, BITCH!!!!" I shouted while rushing at the leader in the attempt to stab him.
"OH SHIT- WHAT THE FUCK-" the leader yelled while scurrying away like a pussy.
"Yeah that's right, you'd better run bitch. I have a knife and I will start stabbin' shit!" I screamed.
"Heh, serves you assholes right. Now, where the hell am I??" I questioned while looking around effectively lost beyond belief.
"Oh... I appear to be lost..."
...
...
...
"PHIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!"