Every Bright and Broken Thing

Chapter Forty-One - Liam

"I know why," I say before I can stop myself.

Theo looks over at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

I don't.

"Care to explain?" he asks.

"Not really."

Sighing, "Okay, then."

At Oscar's place, his sister is the one who lets us in the house. She makes no effort to introduce herself and, flipping her hair over her shoulder, vanishes in the crowd of raving students. Equipment in tow, we move to the makeshift stage and begin setting everything up. The house pulsates with the sound of really bad EDM and a psychedelic light show. Head still throbbing, I try not to look directly at them.

On the other side of the room, Darren stands with his jock friends, laughs and points to his scarred face, bragging as if he's some hero. His eyes catch mine and he puckers his lips and winks, then returns to his conversation.

I shiver. I should've known he'd be here. Maybe this was a bad idea. A mixture of emotions twist inside my gut. Between running into Bill Everett and then Darren making a pass at me, I'm shaken. But I refuse to be weak again. So, instead, I choose to numb my senses and quiet my fears with an endless supply of alcohol.

Music thrums through the house. While the rest of the band mingles with our classmates, I choose to stick to the sidelines. Back against a wall, I sip on cheap beer. I reach into my pocket with my other hand and pull out the piece of paper I've carried with me for years – the unfinished song. The one that's supposed to save my life. With a sharp inhale, I crumple it into a wad and toss it to the floor. It's pointless to try to find the answer to Mom's question – there's no life left to save.

From across the room, Darren struts toward me. My fight-or-flight instincts kick into overdrive. I want to run from this place and never look back. But inebriated as I am, I'm frozen in place by some twisted refusal to retreat.

Jaw set, eyes narrow, I don't take my eyes off him as he comes close enough. Two beers in hand, he offers one to me.

"Hey," he says. I leer at the cup in his hand. "Look, Greyson, I'm sorry about the other day." He extends the beer to me and I hesitate, then accept it.

He smiles and I tip the cup back to down the whole thing in one gulp.

"No hard feelings?" Darren asks, a hand extended.

Against my better judgment, I take it. With that, he disappears just as Theo takes the stage. Will, Jace, and I make our way to the middle of the living room where the stage waits. We take our places while Theo greets the crowd and introduces us. Everything moves in a blur of light and sound as the alcohol begins to take effect in my system. But once we get going, it's like coming back home after a long vacation – it's familiar, it's right.

You've been playing hard to get

and I've been playing it cool.

But it's like I lose my head

when you walk in the room.

The music burns inside my chest as I sing. And my eyes burn too. Everything moves in slow motion around me and I blink against the blur of lights.

You're going round and round and round

inside my mind.

I think of Stacy. I think of all that I've lost. Mom, Lincoln, Dad, Ezra. My innocence. My courage. My faith. All things that I can never hope to recover.