Butterfly in Change

Chapter One

 It feels like a constant struggle with yourself, and there is no winning. You feel like you can get help from others, but you know you can't. You have to deal with it, figure it all out yourself. Because if you don't, how do you know that what you think is true? Sometimes it feels like even if I do it alone I still won't know. 

I woke up, the sun glaring into my eyes from the window to my left. I pulled myself out of bed, my room was unreasonably warm for the Fall, but the hardwood floor still turned my feet to ice. My room had a desk in the corner, with a speaker on it, alongside the small trinkets I had collected for decoration. There was a stuffed animal butterfly, blue with black bead eyes, I'd had it for as long as I could remember, it had been through more than enough wear and tear. There was a porcelain turtle beside it, much smaller, but almost as old, it was painted green and yellow, but the colours were starting to fade after so long. There was a painting above my bed, of a butterfly landed on a rock, surrounded by trees. I opened my closet and took out some clothes, getting dressed. I walked over to the terrarium on my desk, the small turtle in the corner raised its head, looking at me before taking a bite of the food in his bowl. I walked out the door of my bedroom, going downstairs, the third and fifth step making a loud creaking noise as I went. I made myself a bowl of cereal. My dad came out of his room, he had always confused me, he was completely bald except for a beard that was thick, but small. 

"Hey dad, I'm gonna head out with Rachel later, round like twelve," I told him. 

"Alright, where are you going?" He asked. 

"Probably just down to the coast, not far." 

"Alright have fun," He responded. I finished my cereal and walked out the door, the autumn breeze flowing through my hair, short, much shorter than I wanted it. The orange leaves would be falling soon, fluttering to the ground like butterflies. Few cars drove by our road, especially on saturday, with our quiet spot, it wasn't much for the people with more money around. The cracked sidewalk turned away from the forest to my right. The pines swayed in the wind, needles still green as grass. The sweet smell of pine sap blew through the air, flooding my nose with the scent of sap. I slid down the small hill leading further into the woods. Pine needles littered the ground, a padding between me and the cold dirt on the ground. The trees were tightly packed near the beginning, but I soon reached a clearing, only a few trees in it to provide cover from the sun, and a few large rocks around. There were planks of wood in a messy pile in the corner, a makeshift fire pit in the middle, made by the teenagers who partied out in the woods during the night. I passed by it, and after a bit of walking the trees cleared up, opening the view of the crashing waves. Slamming against the rocky shore, covered in boulders blackened by the water. I jumped to one of the rocks, and balanced myself across it, jumping to the next, then the next. Eventually I made it to an area where a path led away from the shore, a bench sat alone, facing towards the Atlantic, the sun shone from the east, beaming to the spot. If you had a good enough boat you could make it to Europe in a straight line. The grass was tall here, but soon snow would fall and change that. Soon after I arrived a girl showed up, short brown hair barely falling to her shoulders, she was a bit shorter than me, only by an inch or two, and the sun glinted off her green eyes. She had the body I wish I had. Her face lit up when she saw me, a smile growing, I could feel myself smiling as well. 

"Get over here," Her sweet, cheery voice rang through me like a bell, you could tell she was Welsh from her accent, it wasn't as heavy as her family, but still there. She pulled me in for a hug, wrapping her arms around me, as if I would run away at any moment. I did the same. 

"I missed you, you fucker," She let go, still grinning cheek to cheek. 

"Aw, come on, there's no way you weren't having too much fun to miss me," I smiled, I was glad she was back.