Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 15) Messenger; Unspeakable Love And Grief Is Told Through Tears

I glance inside, where almost everything looks completely different from how it used to. There's some kind of playroom at the front, and two young kids are playing with cars and stuffed animals; they wave when they see me staring into their home.

I wave back uncomfortably, before lowering my head. It's strange walking past Haruka's house, but knowing it's not where Haruka lives anymore. I can't even count the amount of times that I showed up at his house uninvited, the many mornings I just walked in because he left his door unlocked.

I smile, though, because deep inside my heart I'm also happy that Haruka doesn't live there on his own anymore. It always caused me to be slightly worried about him. And I'm still worried about him most of the time, but for completely different reasons.

Not long after I've passed Haruka's house, my phone starts ringing. When I pick up its Hiroshi calling me to explain that Haruka's done with his tests; we'll still have to wait for the results, but Haruka would probably feel much more at ease when I'm with him, waiting together.

So I head back via the shortest route from Haruka's home, arriving back at Hiroshi's office in just a couple of minutes.

I knock on the door carefully, saying, "I'm coming in, okay?" like I always do when I know Haruka's inside of a certain room. I'm often afraid I'll startle him if I don't, and it's kind of a habit. And then I head inside, to see Haruka laying on the spare bed that's always hiding behind the curtain.

His head turns towards me when I walk over to him, his eyes sleepy.

"Did it go well?" I ask Haruka, taking my hand through his hair, playing with the thick strands. "You look exhausted, were they hard tests?" I smile when Haruka closes his eyes briefly, exhaling slowly, as if telling me that they were very hard; like he always used to do after finishing an English exam.

"It's okay, why don't you take a short nap." I smile carefully, stroking his hair until Haruka's too tired to stay awake any longer. Once I know for sure that he's asleep, tuck him in with the blanket that's usually keeping his lap warm when he's in his wheelchair. I make sure he's warm enough and whisper, "I'll wake you up once doctor Hiroshi's back."

I sit down beside him. I love watching Haruka when he's asleep like this, he looks so peaceful. I have to admit, he's been looking very pleased lately, which makes me doubt whether it's actually the Haruka I know that might return to me; he wouldn't ever have peace with being like this. But at the same time, maybe he's just glad that he's returning, I'm not sure.

I'm slowly nodding away when Hiroshi walks in without knocking, startling me by immediately saying, "I've got the results!" He sounds so cheerful about it, which gives me good hope.

I lay my hand on Haruka's cheek and tell him to wake up. "The results of your tests are here."

It takes him a while to open his eyes, but when he does, he looks well-rested. He glances at me first, then directing his attention to Hiroshi, who's standing at the end of Haruka's bed, holding a chart.

I also look up at Hiroshi, giving him a nod as a sign that I want to know. I need to know.

"Well, I've got fairly good news." Hiroshi gives me a hopeful smiles. "There are rather clear signs that Nanase's slowly, but surely regaining a fascinating amount of consciousness; I almost dare say he's not in a PVS anymore, but in a Minimally Conscious State."

I turn to Haruka to see a smile on his face; but he already knew this of course. He already knew that he wasn't completely unaware anymore, he's just happy that I now know this too.

"This offers us more opportunities to stimulate Nanase to potentially regaining even more consciousness," Hiroshi explains. "I'm talking multiple hours of therapy, including auditory, visual and physical stimulation, where you, Tachibana, can take part in too. It's going to be a long and tough road. So have to ask it; do you want to go through with this? And I have to add, I can't tell how much recovery there will be in the end; he can remain this way just as well as book more recovery over time."

I nod, at least a thousand times. "Obviously! Of course, I want to do anything—" My voice breaks and tears start streaming down my cheeks. "—if it means Haruka can—he can come back to me."

I look over at Haruka when I hear sniffling beside me. There are thick tears rolling down his cheeks as well. My arms wrap around him, and the both of us start crying even harder than we already were.

"T-They're happy tears," I promise both Haruka and Hiroshi right before releasing another cry. "I'm just—I didn't think I'd ever hear this." I bite the inside of my cheek to suppress another sob. I bury my face in Haruka's shirt and sniffle, whispering, "You're coming back to me."

Harukasoftly, and almost silently, grunts. And I know what he's doing, he's making mea promise, one I know he will fight to keep himself to. He's promising me thatwe're going to do this together, that we won't give up, not after so long. Hepromises that he's going to be himself again.