Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 12: Life; Clinging To The Good

"Maybe that's what life is about: surviving what you can't control
and clinging to the good things the winds whip up."
- Meredith Russo

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June 30th 2014

A high pitched "happy birthday, Haruka" escapes from my mouth as I run towards him. I've missed him so much, every single day I thought about him and wanted to pick him up already. So when I can finally wrap my arms around him and hug him to my chest, I feel so happy.

"I missed you so much." I smile through my happy-tears while stroking his cheeks.

Even though I got pictures of Haruka every single day and smiled at the activities he was doing, I very much wanted to be there with him. They got him in a special wheelchair and took him for a walk over the beach and they also send me pictures from Haruka falling asleep during a massage; he looked so relaxed, and maybe even happy, on these pictures. And now that I'm seeing him in real life again, I notice it too, how there's color in his face again and his eyes are shining bright.

I guess, in the end, a little break did the both of us very well. Because not only Haruka seems more lively, I do too; I gained a little weight again, and the past couple of mornings I actually woke up with enough energy to make it through the day. And I smiled, just like I'm doing now.

My voice squeaks happily when I tell Haruka, "You look so good!". Everything about him looks so much more healthy than before, he even has a slight tan. The only thing I notice now, and that I'm not so fond of, is that his hair has grown so long. His bangs are combed back now, but I saw in the pictures that on the hottest day they put Haruka's hair in a ponytail since it was so long.

I take my fingers through his hair and think to myself I have scissors lying at home, I should cut it. before getting on my feet again. I turn to Osamu and give him a polite nod. "Thank you so much for taking good care of Haruka." I smile wide. "He seems to really have had a great time here."

Osamu smiles back at me, telling me that they really enjoyed Haruka's stay.

I'm sure they say that about every client, but I can totally understand that they liked Haruka's company. I sure missed his presence during the past couple of days, but I think missing him so much actually was good somehow; I think it helped me realize something I couldn't see before. When Haruka was with me twenty-four seven and that was what I had gotten used to, while still dealing with the changes of him not being my normal friend anymore, it was getting too much for me. I couldn't even enjoy being around Haruka anymore, but I see now that without him it feels like a part of me is missing. I missed him, but at the same time I realized that I never did anything fun with Haruka. I took care of him, that's all, and I now know that I should enjoy Haruka's company a lot more too; I should be happy that I still have him, and take him out on fun trips, so that if this is actually how he will be for the rest of his life, I will at least have good memories to look back upon.

So, even though Haruka and I go straight home after I pick him up from the care home, I don't plan on making this a normal day; it's his birthday after all, and we better make some memories today.

I spend the entire evening, yesterday, looking for things that you can do in Iwatobi. I don't want to go too far from home, so I've chosen a walking route that goes all the way through the more nature-like parts of Iwatobi; I bet Haruka will love to take a long walk like that. We'll make a stop at one of the fields we come across and I'll feed him there; we'll have some kind of picnic and enjoy the view.

And I was planning to watch a movie on Haruka's television in the evening, after we unpacked the little presents I got him from a few stores I visited over the past week.