Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 15) Messenger; Unspeakable Love And Grief Is Told Through Tears

I nod, and in the corner of my eye I swear I see Haruka giving the tiniest of nod too; I don't think Hiroshi saw it, though, which is a shame, because it could've written that down with the signals that Haruka is in fact more responsive than any other time following the accident.

I already get ready to stand up and leave them to it, when Hiroshi tells me that he'll run the small tests here in his office. "You can just stay here." He shows me a smile. "You might even be able to help me, since you said Nanase can be quite the stubborn guy; I want to make sure we try everything we can, so also how he reacts to you." Even Hiroshi seems hopeful about this.

I sit back in my chair and smile; never have I been allowed to be present during Haruka's check-ups and all the tests they have him do. I just sit here and wait, but now I'll finally be included.

Hiroshi gets up and walks to the side of the table where Haruka and I are seated. He also turns Haruka's wheelchair in a way that both he and I can see what response Haruka's given, before sitting down on top of his table, leaning towards Haruka with a concentrated expression on his face.

"Okay, Nanase," Hiroshi says in a loud and clear voice. "I'm going to hold your hand." Hiroshi does exactly as he says, taking Haruka's hand in his like he's about to give him a handshake. "Now, I want you to squeeze my hand as hard as you can."

I stare at Haruka's hand, his arm, searching for movement.

"Nanase," Hiroshi repeats after a while. "I would like you to squeeze my hand."

Come on, Haruka! I silently encourage him. But another two minutes go by, yet Haruka's hand stays unmoved and completely limp in Hiroshi's hand.

Hiroshi lets go of Haruka's hand and glances at me. I'm almost certain he's already going to tell me that that was the only thing that would proof whether Haruka's making recovery or not. But then he nods at Haruka's hand and says, "You try. Maybe he listens to you, you are his best friend after all."

I carefully place my hand around Haruka's hand and stroke the back of it with my thumb, like I always do. "Hey, Haruka." I smile at Haruka, showing him that I have faith in him. "Can you squeeze my hand?" I wait, and wait, and when he shows no response at all, I add, "You won't hurt me, I promise. So, squeeze me as hard as you possibly can." I know how strong Haruka is, he can really take hold of my hand real hard, I've felt him do it many times mainly when he got startled; but that was just a reflex, I know that much, he must do it voluntarily now. All by himself, and I trust he can, but nothing happens now that we need to see him do it.

I lower my head and shake it, stroking Haruka's hand another time. "I know you tried." I show Haruka a smile; I haven't lost faith in him just yet. He might not have the strength to move his muscles, but that doesn't mean he isn't at all aware and trying his very best.

"Okay," Hiroshi mutters, writing it down calmly. He almost seems disappointed, and he stays that way throughout most of the assignments he gives Haruka; like how he responds to a small needle pricking his finger, how he responds to yes-or-no-questions, etcetera.

And just when Hiroshi's starting to give up all hope, I can see it in his eyes, he decides to do one last test. He grabs a tiny flashlight and turns it on. It's not very bright, but when he holds it above Haruka's face, Haruka still grimaces at the light.

"Nanase," Hiroshi says, sounding pretty tired of not getting much response by now. "Can you follow the light for me?" He moves the flashlight past Haruka's eyes, multiple times.

It takes Haruka all concentration, he's putting all his strength into it; but he manages to follow the flashlight from left to right, up and down. Haruka glancing at me, looking so proud of himself right after Hiroshi turns off the light and mutters something under his breath.