Serendipity

Muffins

[TWO YEARS AGO]
"Did you hear? That Sydney kid's gay."

"I know. What a fag."

"Disgusting."

"I hope he's not around when we're changing... What if he looks at me?"

"Yeah. I hope he goes home and dies or something."

"I can't believe I used to be friends with him- he even touched me!"

"Ew, are you gay now, too?"

"Go wash your hands, dude."

"Ack! I'll be right back!"

"Damn, though. He's so weird. I can't believe I didn't see it before."

"Queer."

"Fuckin' fairy."

"Fag."

All I want to do right now is disappear. Just sink into the ground and die.

I slide into my seat, covering my ears with my hands. How did they even know? Did... Did Luke tell them? Everyone?

He's the only person I ever trusted, ever allowed myself to say the two words to. And now, as I glance over to where the group I used to be a part of stands, occasionally looking at me, I see him with them, laughing when they do and scoffing.

I catch Luke's eye, letting hope fill my heart for a moment. He wouldn't be...

But, sure enough, his nose wrinkles and he shakes his head, looking away. I bury my head back in my arms as my heart sinks into the floor, falling, down....down....down...

---

"Sydney! Are you up?" My stomach lurches and I sit up, drenched in sweat. I look around frantically, eyes finally landing on my older sister's backlit figure in my doorway. "Oh, good. I thought you'd died or something."

I groan and fall back onto my messed up sheets. "Five more minutes."

"No, you already had five more minutes five minutes ago."

"...do I really have to go to school?"

"Yes."

"But-"

"It's the first day. Your second year in high school. Stop complaining and get up."

She steps back and closes the door- well, almost. She leaves it open enough so that I have to groan again and get up to close it all the way.

I trudge over to my closet, tugging open the ridiculously heavy doors and zoning out while staring at the rows of dark and darker clothes.

I snap out of it after a few moments, then grab the first shirt my hand lands on.

My outfit ends up being a very creative choice of "gray hoodie and black pants", which I throw on without a second thought. It's not like I've ever cared about looking nice for school- I don't see why I should start now.

I stumble downstairs, mumbling a 'good morning' to Mom, who's stationed dutifully by the toaster with a bag of bagels in one hand and English muffins in the other. I'm too tired to question why or how she got the day off to do this, so I don't.

"Muffins," I grunt when she looks at me questioningly, and she nods, quickly grabbing a muffin and splitting it with mom expertise.

I plop down into a chair and knock my head against the table repeatedly.

"I'm so tired," I moan, dragging out the words.

"Maybe if you didn't stay up so late," Lina (my sister) says, patting my head not-very-gently. "Reading or watching YouTube or whatever it is you do..."

I wince. She hears that? I'll have to be more careful. Maybe use my headphones.

"Syd, honey, I think Lina's right," Mom says, grabbing the muffins deftly as they spring out of the toaster. "I can see the bags under your eyes from here."

"Bags?" Dad calls from his office. "Did I forget my bag in the kitchen?"

"No, honey," Mom says politely. "I'm talking about our son's lack of sleep."

"Oh, yeah, he should fix that," Dad agrees faintly. "It's not healthy."

Lina and I roll our eyes. If he wants to be a part of the conversation, he can come out here— where the conversation is being held.

Mom hands me an English muffin slathered with butter a second later, and I take it gently. It's not every day Mom has the time to make us breakfast in the morning, and when she can't, I usually just skip it. I'll break my fast at lunch.

I nibble at the muffin, searching for an appetite I haven't had for a while.

Lina finishes hers in ten seconds flat, glances at me, then sighs.

"I'm biking to school," She says decisively.

Mom nods, nibbling on a spoonful of peanut butter she apparently recently conjured. "Don't forget your helmet."

Lina rolls her eyes. "Mom, I'm in college. I'll be fine."

"Did I ever tell you about the time I got hit by a van on my bike-?" Dad calls from his office, and Mom, Lina, and I all let out a collective groan.

"Nevermind! I'm bringing my helmet," she interrupts, before he can get started.

She gathers up her things, pauses... then reluctantly snatches the helmet from the floor, where she had abandoned it days ago.

I shove the rest of the muffin into my mouth as she jogs out the door. I feel a wave of cool air flow past my feet a few moments after the door closes.

"Ready to go?" Mom asks, tossing the now-clean spoon into the sink for Dad to wash later and grabbing her keys off the counter.

"Yeah."

I stand, striding over to the couch where my bag lays and scooping it up into my arms.

I sigh as Mom leads the way out to the car. For some reason, the thought of going through another year of school makes my mood plummet like a skydiver with a broken parachute.