sick | bxb

06 | glad you're okay.

chapter six.
glad you're okay.

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I tried to come up with a response, but I was at a loss for words. He was dying?

"What do you mean?" I hesitantly asked after what felt like at least ten seconds of silence, watching him bring his hand up to rest his sunken-in cheek on it while pursing his lips uncomfortably.

"Mm, I shouldn't have told you that," he sighed and locked eyes with me. "Do you really wanna know?"

Immediately, I nodded. "Yeah. You're my friend now, I want to know what's going on with you." I blurted out without much thought. My cheeks felt hot as I realized what I had said.

"Friend?" A small smile appeared on his face. My eyes landed on his soft-looking pink lips for a few moments and my heart rate sped up. "Yeah, let's be friends. And...friends tell each other things. Okay." he still looked unsure about himself, and I could tell he was quite nervous judging by how he twitched and clenched his fists tightly. His lips turned into a straight line as he looked deep in thought.

"Take your time. There's no rush...well, my break is gonna be over soon but whatever." I joked, continuing to watch the lovely boy.

Edwin's smile returned. "I'll be quick, then. I don't want you getting fired because of me."

"It's fine."

Silence engulfed us once again and I could tell he was struggling to come up with what to say. I felt bad for even asking—clearly it was an uncomfortable topic, I mean, who wouldn't feel weird about telling a near stranger about their deteriorating health? I sure would feel that way.

"So...to make this as short as possible and to spare you a lot of terrible details, basically I have kidney disease, and since I can't get a transplant, it's basically a waiting game until my kidneys give out and I die."

We both sat in a short silence. I didn't know how to respond. I just felt so bad. No wonder he always looked so sickly, pale, and skinny. I didn't blame him for being so dreary all the time, barely cracking a smile unless he was in conversation with somebody.

Edwin sighed and a frown was fixed upon his face. "I'm sorry, I know I'm a depressing mess. If you don't want to be friends anymore, that's fine, to be honest. You wouldn't be the first."

I widened my eyes and immediately protested. "No, that's not it at all. I'm just...processing what you've told me. It's quite a lot to know you could die at any moment."

"Oh," he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Yeah. Story of my life, I guess."

"I...do have a question, though," I piped up after the thought came to mind. "why'd you move here? Honestly?"

"Oh..." A strange and upset look came upon Edwin's face. "My family can't afford living by ourselves anymore, so we moved in with my grandma, who lives here," he told me. "and...it really sucks because it's one hundred percent my fault. We weren't too well off to begin with, and then my health started going crazy and they've spent thousands upon thousands of dollars just to take care of me," he sighed sharply, with a hint of anger. "it's all just a waste, honestly. I'm gonna fucking die within a few months anyway. I'm just dragging them all down and forcing them to live in this hellhole of a city."

I watched as tears began to prick at his eyes and I almost felt like crying too just hearing what he had to say.

"My older brother's life is ruined now too. He's only a year older than me and has accomplished so much...he even got multiple scholarships to his dream college. But he told me he didn't wanna go because he wanted to stay at home and help take care of me. Hearing that hurts so much, even if it's thoughtful," Edwin's voice was laced with frustration. "I don't want him wasting his whole fucking life because of me. I'd rather him go off and create his own amazing life instead of wade in my own waste of one," he paused and met my eyes. "God, I'm sorry. I guess I just needed to rant...I shouldn't have piled that all on you, especially since we've barely just met...I'm such an idiot." he mumbled to himself at the end. I frowned.

"It's completely fine, Edwin," I responded. "Seriously. I asked, and you answered. That's all I wanted, so don't feel guilty about that."

"But—"

"No," I interrupted him. "Just leave it. Okay?"

Edwin hesitantly nodded. "Fine. Okay."

🌌

After that conversation, Edwin swiftly left the restaurant and that was the last I saw of him for many days.

Since it was a Friday, I didn't see him at all during the weekend since we had no school, and I dismissed him not showing up to McDonalds as just him being busy. But once the following Thursday rolled around and I hadn't seen Edwin at neither school nor my work, I was worried sick—and I didn't even have any sort of way to contact him and ask if he was alright.

Despite that, there were other things worrying me, too. After the fight with Dan the previous Friday during lunch, I had been avoiding him and Nadine as much as possible. I sat alone at the table in which Edwin usually sat, hoping he'd show up, but he never did.

In the few classes I had with Nadine, I caught her staring at me multiple times with this melancholic expression that made my stomach feel funny. I genuinely felt bad for avoiding her—but I needed the space, and thank the heavens Nadine was kind enough to grant me that without me even having to ask. Maybe she knew me a lot better than I ever realized.

Whenever I caught a glimpse of Dan in the hallway, he gave me a sharp glare that just infuriated me. I did nothing to him, yet he thought I was the bad one? Childish, I thought to myself after the third time the younger boy sent a glance my way that was the equivalent to practically shooting daggers through me. He and Nadine still sat together at lunch, and I spotted them sometimes walking together in the halls. A part of me was angry at Nadine for that after hearing what Dan said to me, but another part of me understood—it's quite hard to completely give up on your best friend, no matter what they do. And I knew Nadine was the type to hold on to somebody and never let them go. 

As I walked into work that afternoon, I told myself I'd wait a few more days before reconnecting with Nadine and hopefully fixing things. Edwin was at the very back of my mind, so at first I didn't notice when he walked into the McDonalds and stood in front of my register.

"Hi, Kyran."

I recognized that smooth, honey voice immediately.

I shot my head up from the counter and gave the boy a large grin. "Hey! Where have you been?!" I asked, my heart began to pump faster from both excitement at finally seeing the boy and fear because of all of the scary possibilities my head made up for why he disappeared so suddenly and with no warning.

"Um," he pursed his lips. "I was at the hospital...I just got discharged yesterday. I just had a bit of a scare. But I'm okay now, so don't worry." he explained, sending me a reassuring smile with no teeth once he finished speaking.

"Oh," I nodded. "Well...I missed you. And I was worried. I'm glad you're okay, though."

Edwin's smile grew and I swore my stomach erupted into butterflies at the sight.

"Thank you."

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