Cinder and Dash sat alone on his bed, exhaustion sinking into their bones. Vaughn snored softly in the corner of the room, curled up on the floor. Cinder didn’t think she could go home and face her mom yet. She had no idea how to explain any of what had happened to the fragile woman and no one but Nahum and Vaughn knew that Cinder had let the replicators cart her father off to an unknown destination. She hadn’t worked up the nerve to confide in Dash about that yet, only because she knew it would drive the wedge that had formed between them even deeper.
Not that the separation between them was Dash’s fault. Cinder was the one who had changed; she was the one who had left The Dome to seek adventure and answers. She hadn’t realized that in the process, she would find a bit of herself as well.
Dash scooted back, resting his head against the wall. “So what does it feel like, being upgraded?”
Cinder laid down on Dash’s bed and cuddled a pillow. “It’s incredible. Any fact you’ve ever wanted to know about the world appears in your mind’s eye at just the thought of the question. I have superhuman strength and speed and agility without even practicing, and statistics on my entire surroundings at any given second. Well,” Cinder amended, “the statistics don’t work that great here, to be honest. They only work when the locations show up on the grid—”
“I need to tell you something,” Dash said unexpectedly.
Cinder felt a pounding in her chest. So this was the moment, right there and then. “If this is about you and Lia—“
“No, Lia is the one who helped me work through my feelings,” Dash said. “We aren’t together, trust me. She’s just a close friend.”
Dash’s words pierced Ima’s heart. She couldn’t blame him for finding solace in Lia while she was gone, but it still hurt to think that he’d replaced her. “That’s not the impression I got at the concert.”
Dash smacked his cheek, dragging his fingers over his eyes. “I’m an idiot,” he told her. “I thought Nahum might distract you and I wouldn’t hurt your feelings.”
“Nahum did distract me, for about five minutes.” Cinder grabbed Dash’s hands. She couldn’t be Ima anymore; she couldn’t hold back with Dash about her feelings. It was dishonest and cowardly on both their parts—hers, for not telling him what she truly and deeply desired, and his, for ignoring that their relationship was imbalanced due to her feelings.
Dash looked down at Cinder’s hands holding his and stared back at her, wide-eyed.
“Dash,” she said. “I’m in love with you. I’ve always loved you. I came back for you and risked my life for yours. And I want to know what happened between us. I’ve never had the courage to ask before, but I need to know. I need to know what’s wrong with me, why you don’t love me back.”
Dash looked at her sadly. “That’s what I need to talk to you about. It’s not you. If there was any girl in this world I could love, it would be you, hands down.”
Cinder’s body went cold. “So… what is it then?”
“E.” Dash held both Cinder’s hands in his. “I’m gay.”
Cinder dropped his hand like it was a slimy insect. “Why didn't you tell me?"
“I wanted to. I just couldn’t. I didn’t think you’d accept me.”
Anger bubbled up in Cinder’s chest. “I don't care if you're gay! I care that you lied to me, that you made me feel like a freakish loser, that you made me think you didn't love me…"
"I'm still the same guy, your best friend—"
She shoved him away from her, shooting up from his bed. She didn’t want him to touch her, didn’t even want him to speak to her. "I'm different though, Dash. I'm different! I am not a toy that you can play with whenever you want, then put back in a box when you’re bored with me. How could you?”
Vaughn stirred from his sleep and looked at both of them with hazy confusion, but Cinder ignored him, focusing all her attention on Dash.
“I know this sounds crazy, but I just—I just needed you to love me,” Dash said. “I didn’t want to lose you, and I knew if you found out that I couldn’t love you, you would move on.”
“What about everything I’ve lost? Years of my life on you. A new life away from this hellhole that I’ve always hated, always. You didn’t want to lose me? Well, you have. I'm done with you,” she told Dash.
Cinder felt drops of water stream down her face, not tears of heartbreak, but tears of fury. Dash reached out to her and she slapped his hand away. He swore, shaking his hand in the air before clutching it against his body. She didn’t care. Though she was strong, she hadn’t hit him that hard. He would not get her sympathy after all his lies.
Vaughn gently pulled her away from the bed. She shrugged him off. She didn’t want to be touched by either of them. She hated everything and everyone in that moment, and she didn’t think she could last in the bedroom for one more minute without screaming.
She stomped toward the door.
“Ima—“ Dash began.
Cinder flipped around, furious. “Don’t call me that. My name is Cinder now.” She opened his bedroom door and raced down the steps of his apartment, out the front door and to the only place she wanted to go; the place she had given up already.
Note from the Author: This book is the first in the Socialpunk Trilogy. It's available for free in ebook format via all major retailers, including Amazon, B&N, iTunes, Kobo, and Smashwords. The second and third books in the trilogy will not be posted on Wattpad, but you can get information about them via http://monicaleonelle.com/free-novels/
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Socialpunk (Socialpunk #1)
Teen Fiction"This book would be good for those that enjoyed the Hunger Games!” ~ Cover 2 Cover Blog "When I read the first page, I did not anticipate that I would be finishing the book that night, but I did. I had to. I didn’t care that I was up until 3:00AM."...
