il mare è dentro di lei // Damiano David

Party

Coraline

I enter our flat, as Viola already storms onto me. "Your back, how was it, did you get in?" she asks me excited.

"Yes, signora Bellucci loves, as she says, my 'german blood'" i say smiling.

Viola starts cheering again, shouting, "We are going to celebrate this! I hope you've already eaten, because we are going wasted tonight!"

I started smiling. No I haven't eaten anything yet. And I do not have the intention.

What if the other girls who work in this institute are way more thinner than me?

What if I'm not skinny enough? I can't eat now. I won't have to, because I won't drink tonight. To many calories.

Viola wants me to wear her black short dress. "I will be freezing to death in this", i say to her.

After her convincing me for half an hour to wear some sexy, I finally give in.

I wear a black oversized sweater, fishnet tights, black overknees and my Dr. Martens.

Viola wears a blue top, a black short skirt and high heels. Well I know who is going to feel cold tonight.

She quickly takes a picture of us and posts it on her Instagram story. (pic above)

We only have to walk to the club for about 10 minutes. Damn I love living in the centre of Rome.

To be honest, I haven't been to any party for the last 3 years. I always panic, if something happens that I can't control.

But today it's going to be different. I have a new life now. I have no time to stay at home and Isolate.

As we arrive at the club, I have to show my ID, as always, because I look like an underweight 12-year old.

We get in and i realise, I am really not used to partying.

It's hot in here, very loud and I can't even see the people because of the fog.

Viola takes my hand and pulls me straight to the dancefloor.

We dance for a while, I'm starting to like all of this. I feel safe with Viola.

"Cora, what do you want to drink?" she shouts at me, trying to be louder than the musik.

I haven't been drinking for 2 years. "Vodka soda, please!", I shout back.

97 calories.

As she leaves to get us the drinks, I'm starting to feel awkward. I look around me, waiting for Viola to come back.

I see her at the bar getting our drinks and talking to a young man.

After 15 minutes, she is still not back.

Suddendly, I start to feel dizzy, my hands start to shake.

Where is she, what if she left without me, what if she got kidnapped? I feel it coming.

The panic attack, feeling like I can't breathe. My eyes start to tear, while I am trying to focus on the earth and not to pass out.

I feel a hand on my hip. A tall man with a beard saying to me "Are you lost, bella?", looking at me with a dirty smile.

That's the point, where I am losing it. I tumble out of the bar, pushing through all the People in here.

Outside, I just walk away trying not to trip. I walk in a park next to the bar and land on a park bench.

There I am, panting, crying, feeling like I am going to die. My whole body is shaking, I have no control anymore.

After 20 minutes, I am still shaking and heavy breathing, but at least I've stopped crying.

I sit there, on a bench in the middle of the night with my head on my knees.

"Hey, Are you okay?", I hear a deep voice talking to me.

______________________________________________

Hey guys,

Things are getting different...

Any recommendations?

Yours,
Meli