Me, Love, & Secrets

No Closure Again

"Liar."

Fine. He wants to play that game? Well, it's time for you to finally get the answer you've been waiting for. Don't say I didn't warn you.

"...Do you really want to know why?" I asked.

"Yes!" He nodded vigorously.

"Robert, it wasn't you. It was me. I finally realized how terrible you were for me. When we broke up, I didn't shed a tear. I moved on, because everyone finally got through to me. Angela told me how you treated her and it opened my eyes to who you truly were. You didn't love me, and I realized that a bit too late. Goodnight, Robert."

"But—"

There was a long pause as I turned my back on him and began walking upstairs. I was hoping he would just leave, because I needed him to know that I was finally in love with someone I really cared about. There are boundaries you expect everyone to respect. I'm sure he knows now that I'm serious about not wanting to see him again. I won't allow him to ruin this for me.

"You're serious?" he asked in disbelief.

"And you're still here?" I stopped walking. "You do realize this makes you look desperate." I turned back to him. "Get this in that puny brain of yours: I was never in love with you. I tried my best to save us, but I couldn't do it. You were obviously not interested in the relationship in the first place, so I wasn't going to humiliate myself more trying to fix things."

"Is this really the end? You're leaving me behind just like that? Again?"

"Out of all the mistakes I've made in my life, you were the worst. I adored you, I really did, but I love myself more. It wasn't working out, and I know you could sense it, too. Our relationship could have ruined my entire personality, and I didn't want that. Good. Bye."

One of the best times to figure out who you are and what you can really do with your life is after a breakup. I've made my decision to move on, and I'm never gonna look back. There's no way I can find a good future thinking about what I could've had with him. Not everyone I've lost, or will lose, is a loss. Sometimes good relationships fall apart, so better relationships can fall together. I couldn't tell if our relationship was killing me or making me stronger.

"Lucas is never going to treat you like I treated you!"

"I sure hope not. If I left you, what makes you think I want another man to treat me like trash?"

He stood there in silence.

"Now leave before I get security."

And with that, I left him behind. I didn't care if Joël heard us or not. I had been done with his crap a long time ago. Who knew that letting him go would allow me to meet someone who actually cared about me? I used to think about what he could have done to keep me at his side, but I realized I couldn't make someone change if they weren't willing to change in the first place.

I took a long shower, not really thinking about getting clean at the moment. I prayed Roberto had gone home without a word. I hoped he believed Melinda and Renée were home, too. If he were to find out it was just me, then I would surely be in danger. It's sad how I can't be safe around the one person I'd felt safe with for the longest time.

When I joined Joël in my bed, he turned over to look at me. I didn't say anything to him, thinking he was just wondering why I wasn't in a different room.

"Was that...Dad?" he asked.

I sighed. "...Unfortunately."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No, sweetie, he didn't get to lay a hand on me. Why'd you think he'd hurt me?"

"Aunt Callie..." Joël looked like he was searching for the right words. "Elle parlait souvent...d'abus. I was worried."

"Ugh, I'm sorry you had to hear that. I get frustrated with him a lot. He doesn't like when people care about him. He doesn't like to believe the truth, so when things don't go as planned, he tries to charm his way out of the situation."

"It didn't work on you."

"He's done it to me one too many times." I chuckled. "Not something I should be laughing about, but I got used to it. Now that I found someone who showed me how I should be treated, his words...don't affect me as much."

"That's good."

"Yes, it is. Now, why don't we try and get some sleep. Your cousins will want to see you tomorrow."

"Will I get to meet the man you're seeing?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Callie sure has a funny way of teaching kids about reality. She's going to have babies speaking like they understand the world.

"He's coming next week. Now sleep."