Me, Love, & Secrets

No Closure Again

It was nearing midnight by the time I returned to my cousins' home with Joël. I had to thank Callie and her husband for taking care of him. No one in their right mind would do that for nearly seven years. I'd taken Joël to the zoo, out to dinner, then watched a movie together. Just spending time with him made me realize how bad I had wanted to be a mother. That moment was very short-lived.

When we entered the house, I got a feeling something was up. I helped Joël settle in and fall asleep before I made my way downstairs. Sarah was already gone, but she'd left a few snacks out for me. I'm glad she remembered how late I like to stay up. Having something to snack on, while I come up with more reasons to stay up, helped me fall asleep faster. That wasn't about to happen tonight.

Melinda texted me a bit after midnight that she and Renée would be returning home in the morning. I had the entire house to myself. I could stay up and watch TV without fearing I'd wake them up. That also gave permission for Roberto to barge into the house like he'd lost his mind. My first thought was to make sure he didn't find Joël. I don't know what he'd do if he found out I was taking our son back to America with me.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. "What gives you the right to barge in here this late?"

"You told me to come back, so here I am," he said.

"I told you to come back in the morning. It's literally the middle of the night!"

"Technically, it's morning. The sun just isn't out yet. Be more specific next time."

"Why do I have to be more specific? Even someone dumb knows what that means. You're being stupid right now, Robert. Leave and come back when the sun is at its highest point."

"No."

No? I fought the urge to smack him senseless. I can't argue with this idiot right now. Joël doesn't need to find me fighting with his father in the middle of the night.

"Roberto, you're being unreasonable," I hissed.

"How? I haven't done anything." He blinked at me.

"What do you want to know so badly that you can't wait for the sun to come up to get an answer?"

Roberto finally smiled for the first time since he barged in. I glanced towards the stairs, praying that Joël wasn't a light sleeper.

"I want to know why you gave up on me?" he said. "Why did you leave me for a bastard who doesn't know how to take care of a woman?"

I took a deep breath. "Honestly, I just...I couldn't--I wasn't in love with you anymore. I spent nearly two years with you and they felt like the worst years of my life. You ruined the happiness in me, while I was trying to help you. You turned out to be a lost cause. Not even Dr. Alexy could help you."

"You were supposed to help me. I couldn't fix myself alone. What made you think leaving was going to help either of us?"

"What makes you think you need someone to help you with a problem you can fix on your own? I tried my hardest to help you get over me leaving the first time. I'm trying to be a good girlfriend to someone else right now. You're my ex for a reason. I don't want to waste anymore time dealing with you."

"Are you really doing this right now! You left suddenly and never came back like you did all those years ago!"

"Yeah, to get away from you! I found myself again when I left. I found someone who loved me just as much as I loved them. I was happy, Roberto!"

"That's not a valid reason. Every time I really need you, you leave without a word. There has to be another reason."

"Why would there be another reason? I just never liked you."