I'm Not Her

Chapter 12: I'm Not Staying

Poof. 

Gone. 

My phone vibrated and my hands trembled as I pulled it out. 

Please don't be Zayn. Please don't be Zayn. 

From: Zayn the best bf in the world! ;)

Hey babe. Where are you? I came home early, but decided to come by your place, but all I saw was the key on the floor and a note saying sorry? Hun, plz answer so I know you're okay.

No, I don't think I will answer. 

I put the phone back into my bag, just in time for the bus to pull up at the stop. I was the last to get on the bus, after an old woman and a boy around my age. 

I sat down in the back of the bus and pulled my hoodie down lower. I had a window seat and leaned my head against the window. I was only hours away from home. Hours away. 

As the bus started to drive, I glanced out of the window. 

I wish I hadn't though. 

Minutes ago, it had started to rain. Pour actually. This was London and it was expected. I saw Zayn, out in the rain outside of Perrie's complex. Even through the rain, I could see he was frustrated. He ran his hand through his hair and crouched to the ground, angry. 

Then the bus passed him and I felt my heart lurch. Dramatic and corny? Yeah, I know. But it was true. I almost wanted to jump out of the bus and tell him I wasn't leaving. Tell him that I was staying. But not telling him who I really was. 

So I let the bus keep driving. I didn't try to get off. I stayed, right here on the bus. 

More text messages rolled in, but I replied to none of them. 

From: Zayn the best bf in the world! ;)

What did I do? Was it me?

From: Zayn the best bf in the world! ;)

Why rnt u answering?

From: Zayn the best bf in the world! ;)

Perrie, please

From: Zayn the best bf in the world! ;)

Im worried

From: Zayn the best bf in the world! ;)

What does 'sorry' supposed to mean?

From: Zayn the best bf in the world! ;)

I dont know what I did, but Im sorry!

From: Zayn the best bf in the world! ;)

Come back

Then my phone started to ring. It blared out their song, C'mon C'mon because Liam had set it up like that for all the boys' contacts on my phone. Before, it was some random default song. 

I looked at the contact and flinched. 

The contact picture was a picture of the two of us. He was kissing my cheek and my face looked like a tomato. I would have to change that. 

I couldn't delete it or else I wouldn't know when to not answer the phone.

I declined the call and put on some music instead. I turned my phone to silent, so I would not be disturbed. I listened to Ed Sheeran instead because I knew if I listened to One Direction, I would single out Zayn's voice. I would start longing for him again.

Your heart's against my chest
Lips pressed to my neck
I've fallen for your eyes
But they don't know me yet

And the feeling I forget
I'm in love now

Kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved

This feels like I've fallen in love
Fallen in love
Fallen in love... 

It hurt. It hurt to listen to this song because the only image I had in my head was Zayn. Why did he do this to me? Such pain was caused from him, but so much happiness came out of it.

Why did Perrie persuade me to do this? I wish she hadn't. I wished I wasn't her twin. I wish she was the only one there was. I wish I hadn't been born so I didn't have to deal with all this.

I couldn't take any of these songs anymore. Ed Sheeran was my favorite artists, but having these songs relate to me hurt me.

I just put my iPhone on shuffle.

I heard that you settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you

An Adele song? Really iPhone? Trying to make me feel guilty.

The next song was Set Fire to the Rain.

The next was I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift.

Then Stay Stay Stay by Taylor Swift once more.

That was when I decided it was a better idea to just glance out the window. I had come down to the conclusion that my iPhone and Danielle were alike. Both tried to make me feel guilty.

After my little music incident, I realized that I had twenty missed calls and thirty messages. I turned it   off and threw it in my bag. 

Almost home. 

I was almost home. 

~~~

Dedication to @_onedirrrrrrectionn_ because she's my best online friend ever!

AAAAAAND picture of Pen and Perrie to the side...

 Well I'm sad. It took my forever to write this damn thing. But I thought it was about time I update (and I really didn't want to do homework) so I did. Today I had to read an essay to a giant crowd and I was a total mess. Public speaking aint my thing. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment!

-Adriana hates public speaking :p