Who We Are | TWD

.022

"Emmie? Emmie?" Carl asks, snapping me from my daze. I look up, the smile shaken from my face. I look into his eyes, all my joy depleted. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head, managing to indifferently put a grin on my lips. "Nothing. Is it my turn?" I can tell that Carl is confused as to what just happened, knowing there is a deeper meaning behind it all, but instead just nods his head to me. I move one of my checkers across the board, jumping one of his. It allows us to catapult into another round of laughter. I let out a light breath, gathering my thoughts and emotions so they don't spew all over the place again.

Learning how to quiet your thoughts is one of the utmost important rules in this world. Nobody should be able to know how you feel. Ever.

I'll figure out how I feel on my own. I always do because I have no other choice. What was I to do when I lost my family? I had to recover and keep going. That's the only reason I've managed to be here right now. Although I am lucky enough to be surrounded by people I have grown to love and trust, I tend to be the only person that can fully understand my life. Maybe that's a harmful thing to do to my brain because of how many conflicted opinions I tend to have on different subjects, but it usually seems to work out in the end.

It has to work out.

Michonne comes walking over from where she was standing at the back of the church to watch our game. A sleepy Judith is being clutched in her arms. I watch as the baby's eyes keep getting heavier and heavier.

"What do we have going on here?" she asks, settling on the edge of the closest pew to observe us.

"A very competitive game of checkers," I reply, glancing at Carl as I do.

"Who's winning?"

"Emmie, but not for long," Carl remarks. I turn my attention back to the board as he deftly moves one of his pieces to jump two of mine. My jaw drops dramatically.

"No fair!" I gape with a giggle. Carl shrugs his shoulders.

"I guess it doesn't matter if you pick your color or not. As long as you're good, you can still win." I shut mouth and shoot him a mocking glare.

I know that Lizzie and Mika are gone. Each time I think about it, there's a gut wrenching sensation in my stomach. I don't think there's going to be a time where the thought doesn't make me nauseous. Sophia has been gone for quite a while now, but every memory of her occurs the same way. She's the first friend I ever had to visibly lose. Of course, I did lose Natalie, presumably, but that was different because I never had to witness it. I had to watch Sophia come out of the barn, her clothes covered in dirt and blood, her eyes distant and the color of ice.

Whatever happened to Lizzie and Mika was bad. I can tell just by the way Carol speaks of the event that it isn't something that she's quite ready to relive yet, so I'm not sure I'll be ready, whether I was there or not.

☾

I win the first game, which I will admit was actually rather challenging. My win lands us into a second game. Michonne is on the edge of her seat this time, laughing as the two of us playfully battle it out. I manage to move my pieces carefully whilst maintaining my vision over the entire board. It causes me to win a second time. Carl starts begging for a rematch, but I ignore him, inviting Michonne onto the floor to play a game against me. Still giggling, she leaves her seat and moves across from me.

We play two games. During the first one, I beat her quickly, but she composes herself with a deep breath and winning smile, managing to win the second. Even though it's a small distraction, it still pulls me away from having to think about other, more terrible things. I haven't smiled so big in so long. It's odd how easily such a thing comes. The clicking of the plastic game pieces against the board is soothing with each move we make. Michonne even allows us to open a can of diced peaches to split. The syrupy fruit is a sweet treat for such a hot afternoon. I'm sure it's not as warm outside, but the boarded up church is acting as an oven with the sun beating down on it. Either way, the moment is enjoyable, nonetheless, and I don't want it to be taken away from me.