Challenges in Love

Ⅴ - Nevertheless

"I THOUGHT that you'd take care of yourself?" I said, scanning her face, "Who gave you this. Huh?"

Hindi ko matanggap kong bakit may nakikita pa rin akong pasa sa kaniyang mukha. Gano'n ba talaga ako katagal nawala sa buhay niya na hindi ko na makilala?

"I got this while cleaning the whole house." She said then took her face out of my sight. "Ba't ka pa bumalik?" she stated seriously and softly.

I was astounded that I can't utter a single word to answer her question.

"Malinaw pa rin sa'kin kung paano mo ako iniwan... How could you forget easily?" she continued, wiping the tears on her face. "Do you know how hard it is to me and here you are..." she scanned my whole body. "asking me those shits like there's nothing wrong?! Jerk! Just stay away from me and continue with your life."

I was about to held her face to wipe the tears that has fallen and hug her to lessen the pain that she is feeling but she took a step backward away from me.

She shook her head, turns her head on me again and looked at me intently. "Do you know how hard it is to me? So, hard...damn hard! Alam mo kung gaano ako nasaktan tapos babalik ka lang like there's nothing wrong between us?" She looked at the other side and sigh a short breathe. "Hindi gano'n kadali, Gab, kaya huwag kang bumalik na parang tayo pa...kasi wala ng tayo, wala na! Wala ng tayo, Gab. Huwag mo akong tignan ng ganiyan na parang pagmamay-ari mo pa ako." Pinahiran niya ang kaniyang mga luha at nagmadaling maglakad paalis sa harapan ko.

Hinabol ko siya, I can't let her go. Yes, I am a fool and selfish to leave someone that I love, someone who's worth to keep, came back just to make her mine again but that's my decision to make things better for us, to make her life better. It is for her future.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. Nakakagaan sa pakiramdam na mahawakan ulit ang kaniyang malalambot na mga kamay mabuti nga't hindi niya ito tinanggal. Hinayaan niyang mahawakan ko muli ang kamay niya.

"Just let me explain, Samantha. Mahal kita at walang nagbago roon," I stated, "Alam mo naman iyon 'di ba? Sam, ikaw la—"

"Ha-ha-ha," she laughed fakely, "Mahal?" she grinned and continued, "Gago ka ba? Kailan ka nag-aral magsalita ng mahal? Naririnig mo ba mga pinagsasabi mo?! Isa pang gago from the bottom of my hypothalamus, gago ka dahil hindi mo alam ang magmahal... All you know is the word of love but you don't know what it feels, what it means. You don't know anything about love. So, Gab, please lang tantanan mo ako! Get rid of yourself, will ya?" she stared at my eyes and walked out without looking back. She left me rooted from where I stood.

All I want is to bring her back to my life, to make our love back but...she refused. She refused to bring back everything. Is it my fault?

Nagbago na nga talaga siya, binago ko siya. Hindi ko naman masisisi ang sarili ko 'pagkat nagmahal ako ng todo, eh. I'll do everything for her pero mali dahil nawala siya sa'kin.

As my tears fell in my eyes, the memories that we shared plastered on my mind. Those memories that I want to cherish even though she's not mine anymore, even though she's not here anymore by my side. Sa mga masasakit na nangyari sa amin lahat nag-play na parang isang palabas na dapat kung panoorin hanggang sa masaktan ako ng paulit-ulit.

"Ayoko nang umuwi sa bahay, Gab. Please, tulungan mo ako," humihikbing pagmamakaawa niya.

Nasa kwarto ako noon habang natutulog 'pagkat alas-dose na ng gabi ako nakatulog dahil minamadali kong tinapos ang binigay sa'kin ng propesor dahil pagpatak ng alas-tres ng madaling araw niya ito pinapapasa. Eh, kahit isa wala pa akong nasimulan kaya no'ng araw na iyon tigang ang utak ko kaya't nang agad siyang pumasok sa kwarto ko, nagising ang diwa ko dahil na rin sa tunog ng iyong hikbi.