When you're ready

26. I'm ready

*[trigger warning: mention of physical assault]*

The door to his bedroom was closed when Shawn stopped in front of it, not knowing if he preferred to find Camila sleeping on his bed or awake and ready to tell him whatever it was that happened. He could see the lights were on, but maybe she just fell asleep like that. It took him a few more minutes to get the courage to turn the doorknob and walk into the room, afraid she might not tell him anything after all.

Shawn stepped into the small bedroom, closing the door behind him and finding Camila sitting down on the bed with her legs crossed under her body. She had a hairbrush on her hands, eyes concentrated while trying to untangle all the knots in her hair.

" That was my sister's." Shawn told her with a smile, watching as she looked at him and then at the hairbrush.

" Oh, I'm sorry." She said with embarrassment. " It was in the bathroom."

" It's okay." Shawn walked to the bed and sat behind her. " It just brought up some memories. She was always singing around the house using this thing as a fake microphone."

Camila laughed and he could tell it was genuine. It felt good to share these things about his family with her, but it felt even better to make her smile and laugh after seeing her crying. Shawn reached out and took the hairbrush from her hands, pulling her hair behind her back and helping her.

" Where's Brian?" Camila asked as he gently untangled all the knots she was having trouble with.

" He just left." Shawn told her.

" Did he ask a lot of questions?"

" No." Shawn said. " He was just in shock that you could actually talk."

Camila stayed in silence after that, just relaxed as Shawn brushed her hair. When he was done, he pulled all her hair to one side and left a kiss on her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her and taking in her fresh out of the shower scent. They stayed like that for a long time and Shawn didn't even hear when she first said it.

" What?" He asked, not knowing if he was going crazy or if she had actually said something.

" I think I'm ready." She repeated, looking at him over her shoulder. " Actually, I don't think. I know."

" You know what?"

" That I'm ready to tell you what happened." She turned around, sitting across from him. " If you still want to know."

" Of course I want to know." Shawn whispered, taking her hands and squeezing them. " But are you sure?"

" Yes, I'm sure." She nodded, then stayed in silence for a few minutes.

" It's just me." Shawn squeezed her hands again. " You can tell me anything."

" I know." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. " At first I truly wasn't able to talk. My vocal chords had been damaged, but it only lasted for like a month, I think. But then, I realized I felt safe not talking about what happened. It was all everyone wanted from me. Everyone wanted to hear my version of it. My family, my friends, the doctors, the police. It was too much. I couldn't even think about it without breaking down, much less talking about it. So that's what I did. I decided I wouldn't talk to anyone. I honestly didn't think I would last this long, but the more time I spent without talking, the less I wanted to talk. The doctor told my parents it was because of the trauma. He said it was my way of dealing with what had happened, and in a way he was right. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I just didn't."

Shawn gently touched her face, wiping the tear on her cheek with his thumb. He moved his body on the bed, resting his back against the headboard and pulling Camila next to him. She rested her read on his shoulder and he held her, scared of what she would say next.

" That was over two years ago." Camila whispered. " My mom was supposed to pick me up after school, but she was stuck in a meeting with a client and my dad was still at work too, so I told her I would get a ride with a friend. I should have done that, but instead, I decided to just walk home. It was not that far, maybe fifteen minutes walking, and it still wasn't dark so there was no danger." She paused for a few minutes and Shawn could feel her breathing getting unsteady. " I truly have no idea where he came from. I felt something hitting the back of my head and I guess I blacked out for a few seconds. When I opened my eyes again, this guy was on top of me, choking me. I couldn't breathe and I thought I was going to die, but I still noticed how he didn't seem much older than I was and that his eyes looked weird like he was high on something. I tried to fight it, but that only pissed him off more. He started beating me and kicking me before he tried to choke me again. All I could think about was that I couldn't black out again, so I tried to focus on anything. That's when I noticed his green hoodie. I focused on that as I tried to keep fighting him, but I could still feel myself slipping away. That green hoodie was the last thing I saw before I woke up in a hospital bed two days later."

Shawn could feel his own tears as he held Camila and felt her shaking against him. He didn't think he would ever feel this sad again, but somehow he still felt even angrier. There was a question on his head that he was scared to ask, but he had to.

" Did he...?" He couldn't finish the sentence, but Camila looked up at him and she knew right away what he was asking.

" No." She shook her head. " But he was going to. An elderly couple walked by, at least that's what they told me when they visited me at the hospital, and they saw us in an alley between two buildings. He was trying to take my clothes off, but he ran away when they said they were calling the police."

Shawn let out the breath he was holding. He knew this was still pretty bad, but it could have been even worse if someone hadn't walked by. He knew nothing he said could erase what she had gone through, so he just tightened his grip on her, holding her like all he wanted was to be able to keep her safe.

" Did they get him?" Shawn finally asked, feeling a lot of anger building up in him for this random guy who had hurt Camila like this.

" No." She whispered. " The police never found him. I guess my description of him didn't help either. I couldn't remember much of him beside the hoodie he was wearing, but I know I would be sure it was him if I ever saw him again. The couple who found me helped a lot more with a description, but it still didn't matter. They never found him."

Shawn didn't notice he had one of his hands in a fist until Camila held it and opened his fingers one by one, trying to calm him down even though she was the one telling him the horrible things she had gone through.

" And now my parents want me to go back, but I can't. Being here was the safest I felt in such a long time. I couldn't even leave the house without thinking he was going to find me again, but here I can walk on the street without feeling scared he might show up and finish what he wasn't able to."

" Did you tell your parents that?" Shawn asked as she still held his hand.

" I tried, but you don't know my mom." Camila shook her head. " She doesn't listen to anyone but herself."

" Camila, you have to find a way to tell them this." He pulled her into his arms again. " I can be there with you if you want me to. And I'm not saying this because I don't want you to leave, which I don't, but there's no way you'll be able to heal from this if you're back there feeling scared all the time."

" I know." She agreed, looking up at him. " You're also one of the reasons I want to stay. I don't want to be away from you, Shawn."

" Me neither." He kissed her forehead, then her cheek, and finally her lips before whispering his next words. " I love you, Camila. Maybe it's too soon for me to tell you this, but it's true."

" I love you too." She whispered back against his lips. " Thank you."

She didn't have to tell him what she was thanking him for. He knew what she meant and he was never more grateful that he didn't let his curiosity get in the way and instead let her tell him this in her own time. She might not have realized this yet, but time was all she needed.