When you're ready

12. Not yet

Camila lets her fingers run across the material of the gray hoodie she has on, her eyes out the window of Shawn’s car as he drives her back home. She could have walked back by herself, but after staying at his house the whole morning, Shawn had insisted on driving her back. She ended up texting him her address and part of her wondered if maybe he insisted on it so he could finally find out where she lived.

 She let her eyes move from the window to his face, observing for a few minutes how concentrated he seemed while driving. He paid attention to every single detail and she thought he seemed too careful, as if he was scared something would happen. It kind of reminded her of how she would often walk down the street looking over her shoulder.

 When his eyes finally met hers, she realized he had pulled up to her aunt’s house already, but she was so concentrated on watching him that she didn’t see it. His cheeks were slightly reddish and it took a while before he seemed able to formulate words and talk to her again. He had once again stared at her for too long as if she wasn’t even there.

 “ Thank you.” He said, making her frown in confusion. “ For spending my birthday with me. And for the cookies.”

 Camila smiled and shrugged, trying to let him know it was not a big deal. She started to take off the hoodie he had given her earlier, but he immediately put one of his hands over hers to stop her.

 “ It’s okay. You can keep it.” He told her, keeping his hand on hers. There wasn’t really a reason for her to keep the hoodie, but she kind of wanted to.

 Shawn looked at her as if questioning how to say goodbye and surprised her by pulling her into a hug. Camila wrapped her arms around his shoulders as she felt his hands on her waist, closing her eyes as he held her. She knew it was just a hug, but it felt like so much more. She couldn’t quite put into words how special it felt to have him that close to her.

 As they pulled away from each other, Camila couldn’t stop herself. Before she could give too much thought to it, she placed a kiss on his cheek. She didn’t give him time to react, just getting out of the car and walking to the house, but what she didn’t expect was to see her aunt on the front porch watching the whole thing. Camila looked back at Shawn in the car, watching her in awe before finally driving away.

 “ I thought you were out for a walk.” Her aunt said as she opened the front door and walked into the house, following Camila inside with curiosity. “ How is that a walk turned into a car ride with a cute boy?”

 Camila tried to hide her smile as she laid down on one of the couches and hid her face on a pillow. Was it stupid that she felt really brave for kissing him on the cheek? It was such an innocent thing, but somehow it was a big step for her. Had she maybe interpreted things wrong? She could have sworn he was about to kiss her earlier at his house.

 “ Oh my god! Are you wearing his hoodie?” Her aunt kept going and Camila finally pulled the pillow off her face and looked at her, nodding her head with a shy smile on her lips. “ That is so cute! You already have a boyfriend and you didn’t even tell me?”

 Camila shook her head, her face burning as she took her phone and texted her aunt.

 He’s not my boyfriend.

 “ Not yet.” Her aunt smiled at her and Camila rolled her eyes. “ Look, if he turns out to be your boyfriend at some point, I want you to tell me, okay? I might not like to control you as your mom does, but I need to know these things.”

 Camila nodded without looking at her aunt, her mind focusing on her first words. Not yet. Was she just teasing Camila or did she really take that from the little interaction she watched? Those words were playing on her head the rest of the day and of course, it didn’t help how she didn’t take Shawn’s hoodie off. It was so big on her, more like a dress, but she loved it. It was like having a little piece of him with her and that idea comforted her. It also smelled just like him and she felt creepy for enjoying that at first, but after a while, she just gave in.

 Later that night she was laying down on bed still wearing his hoodie as she read some texts from her mom and dad when she got one from Shawn. She tried to ignore how her heart raced as she opened his text, reading with a smile on her face his simple wish for her to have a good night and how he would see her tomorrow at school. Camila answered him right away with a goodnight text back, but before she put her phone on the nightstand to go to sleep, she found herself taking a selfie laying down on bed with his hoodie and sending it to him. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted to accomplish with that, so she just locked her phone immediately and closed her eyes to sleep, trying not to think if he was staring at the picture right that moment in his bedroom.