Legacy // H.S

14.

'But in this twilight our choices seal our fate'

*

Harry

I've been having a lot of nightmares recently. Ones that are worse than before. They all follow the same narrative: my father forcing me awake, taking me downstairs for our 'lessons', and then Atlas sits on the floor cowering below me. Only this time, the screams I hear are not figments of my imagination; they are real. Because they are the exact sounds I heard as I listened to her get beaten by Tobias, moments before Liam shot him.

They're a lot sharper than those I'd dreamt up before. Louder, more painful, cutting deeper. Blades tucked away that threaten to puncture my skin and stab my heart. And they do, every single time. As I sleep, I live through it all. Her pain doesn't ease, it only becomes more desperate. She begs me for forgiveness, as if I've caused the bruises on her skin, and sometimes when I wake up and notice her lying next to me, I believe I have. Shadows on her skin that serve as reminders of the monster that raised me.

When I stood there and listened to her, while I waited during every kick and punch, I felt exactly how I did as a kid. Useless. The cause of misery and agony and sheer terror.

I wanted to go in there and shoot whoever was responsible the moment I heard the crash of the window, but Liam stopped me. If we turned up unannounced, Tobias could have shot anyone. We needed to wait for the perfect moment to strike, when his attention couldn't be turned, and we had the upper hand. So, instead, I stood by, pinned against a wall with a hand over my mouth to stop me from running in there and risking all our lives. I tried so hard to fight against him, and even though hindsight allows me to understand why we waited, I still wish I went in there sooner.

I've lived in constant regret since, and I don't think I'll ever shake the feeling away. Knowing I could have stopped it, could have taken a bullet for Atlas to stop what she was being put through.

I promised I'd protect you.

Words are pointless if the actions do not follow.

Claude took care of Tobias' body. Atlas didn't want to know where he was being buried or dumped in case she felt the urge to visit his grave. Belly couldn't bear the thought of knowing it, either. She's locked herself away in her room with her son since then, only permitting Liam to enter. Sometimes he stays the night and just sleeps on the floor next to her bed, refusing to leave her side again. It took a few days for her to even speak to him after watching him kill her fiancé, but the one thing that has shone through is her gratitude.

Despite everything, Belly is free. Truly and completely free. The one thing we've all wanted, the one thing we all seem to be chasing like a pack of dogs on a racecourse but can never get close enough to. She has it, but she's too scared to grasp onto it. I think she needs time to process it all. Not just the death of Toby but also the change in her life. At least she has company while she does it.

Atlas and I have stayed in our room most of the time too, though. Sometimes, I just hold her, so tight I fear I'm hurting her. But she clings to me with the same strength. We don't talk or kiss or move. We just hold each other in case one of us might be ripped away at any moment.

And at night, when both of us face our demons in our slumber, we sit on the floor and keep each other close. Tired and hurting, but still together. Nothing can change that. I'll never let it happen.

We've come close to losing each other so many times now that every waking minute I'm anxious about it coming true. Atlas and I are forever. A thousand lives and deaths and everything in between, she is all I want.