Letting Go (The Stray Kids Collection: Story #1) [AMBW] ✔️

64

"How was your Christmas?" Athena asks Dr. Kim.

"It was good!" The woman replies, delighted that Athena has gone out of her way to ask said question. "The kids were out from school so we just spent time together and in the snow. What about you?"

She shrugs. "It was okay."

"How was the party? I know you were excited for that."

At the thought of the party and the absence that had her in the dumps for a few days, Athena frowns.

"I guess it was alright. Same as usual to be honest."

Dr. Kim nods. It's small but progress is definitely being made and that makes Dr. Kim smile softly.

"How are you and your friends? I assume you did something together over the holiday's."

"Yeah, we did, actually," Athena perks up. "We went to see the firework display at Lotte Tower for New Year's."

"Ooh, that's fun," Dr. Kim says.

Yeah, it had been fun alright. Athena almost lifts her hands to her lips at the memory of what happened but quickly snaps out of it, her cheeks heating immensely.

"Dr. Kim?" Athena suddenly asks.

"Yes?"

"Umm, so, there's been this person recently who I've been hanging out with and he's really sweet and amazing and every time I'm with him I feel totally flustered and I just.... I guess I might have a crush on him," the girl breathes out.

"Crushes are normal, Athena," Dr. Kim tells her with a chuckle. "So, I'm more than glad you're having one."

"Yeah but, I don't want to have a crush, not really."

Dr. Kim lifts an eyebrow. "Why's that?"

Athena shrugs. She averts her eyes from the woman and stares instead at the odd paintings on the wall.

"I just, I don't think I can handle it," the girl starts. "Every time I want to make a move with my feelings it just seems wrong. I overthink everything until I wonder if I'm even allowed to feel this way again. I feel like I'm betraying... him."

"Athena, you're always allowed to have feelings. It's what makes you human, and you are. Having emotions isn't betraying how you felt for Hyunjin," Dr. Kim states firmly.

She sighs at what her therapist says. "So why does it feel like it? I'm so tired of it sometimes, like now he's a burden, but even thinking that is so ungrateful. He's not even alive and because of me nonetheless."

It takes a moment for Dr. Kim to speak up again. Most of their sessions consisted of Dr. Kim trying to steer Athena's mind away from her being the killer and to her being a victim. The woman was still trying out new things to help her see that she needs help too, that she deserves it.

"You don't have to act on anything you don't want to but please don't be afraid to let people in again. You are not meant to be stuck in the past, nobody would want that for their loved one. You having feelings for someone is not betrayal and having emotions is not something you deserve to be punished for. Okay?"

Athena nods absentmindedly. Dr. Kim sighs and proceeds to let the girl know of the exercises she wants her to complete for their next session all while Athena tries to piece together what the woman told her.

Why did it feel like that was a lie? Why do I feel like I deserve nothing?