Y/N was just an ordinary person from the 21st century, she didn't expect to wake up in an anime where human-eating demons roam free every night.
Well, what's left for her is to learn how to use a sword and help the protagonist make his sister human...
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Gods are different from humans.
They don't follow their mindsets of what is right and what is wrong, so, to the god that is responsible for all of Y/N's reincarnations, he's handling this in the best way he can.
He simply can't understand that making her constantly die and come back is just deteriorating her mental health even more, because gods are unable to understand what's going on inside the head of a human.
He wants to help her in achieving the happy ending that she wants, but he doesn't know how to.
E T H E R
That's the name of the god. Remember it.
The same god that is in front of Y/N right now.
The same god that she met when she was a kid… but this is a story for another time.
The same god that always say the same thing when she dies :
“Were you happy this time?”
Or :
“I will never let you die.”
Creepy? Maybe.
And that's also the god that is in front of her now.
Did she die again? No, she was just under Enmu's spell, so it seems like he used this opportunity to enter in her dream and talk to her, since her memories came back.
In her first life, she was a sword genius.
In her second life, she was a regular person with her objectives.
In her third life, she was a dreamer who thought that she could make a difference.
And for the rest of her lives, she was hopeless.
"Did you erase my memories before?"
"… I'm sorry, your mental health was deteriorating really fast, I thought it would be better if you only remembered the life with the information you needed."
"… I see."
"Are you mad?"
"No…it's just… I wish I could have stayed more in that sweet dream, you know? That I could stay longer as a normal teenager enjoying spending time with her favorite characters….but now I'm back to this hell."
"..... I'm so sorry."
"Why?…why do I always fail? Nothing I do is ever good…"
"I'm sorry."
"STOP DOING THAT! STOP APOLOGIZING! THAT'S YOUR FAULT, WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO WHEN I DIED FOR THE FIRST TIME?!"
"…. I can't…you weren't happy in that life. All I ever wanted was for you to have a happy life!"
"Then you're failing miserably at it!"
"I'm sorry… I can't do anything besides messing with time…if only I could do more…then maybe…"
Y/N glared at him with a cold expression. She then sighed before opening her mouth to say: "Changing the subject, it was you who helped me in the Natagumo Mountain, right? Why did you stop talking to me after?"
"I…. I had to use a lot of my power to heal and make you able to use your breathing again, I was just too weak to contact you. Sorry."
"Then… I will be going now." She says as she turns back, ready to wake up. Ether grabs her arm in response.
—Please don't go! I already know what you are planning! You are going to jump in the middle of the battle to save Rengoku, right?! I can't! I can't let you die again!
"… Don't worry. I don't break easily."
His tears got even worse as a mocking smile appeared on his face. "I already heard that one before.....please don't do that."
"I have to."
"NO! YOU DON'T! Why…why do you always make yourself suffer? He was already supposed to die anyway…."
"I was also supposed to be dead, yet here we are."
Silence.
"… You're right… I'm sorry for my selfishness." He says as he slowly let go of her arm.
"Jeez, stop doing that kicked puppy expression, I thought we already talked about that before."
"We did…but…"
"…. You know, It was fun this time."
"It was?"
"In my pasts lives, I was so concentrated in saving them that I didn't even try to close to them. But now…a lot of things are different. Zenitsu talking about his past with me, or me and tanjiro training together… None of these happened in any of my lives. I'm glad. I'm glad I got to know them better. I'm glad we got to get closer this time."
"…"
"That's why…they are way more than just anime characters to me now. I will help them. All of them will live one way or another. I don't care how many times I will have to destroy myself to get to that. I hate feeling pain, but I hate seeing them in pain way more."
".....why? Even though I tried so many times, …why you can't be happy?" The man said, falling to his knees while tears came out of his face.
Seeing a being that presented himself as a god not so long ago acting so vulnerable in front of her…it made her uncomfortable.
"Even when I try to erase your memories, you always die trying to save someone, you always die unhappy, why? All I ever wanted was for you to be happy!"
She crouches to his eye level, hugging him. "I'm sorry for screaming at you before. In the end, the one who decided to use my lives like that was me."
He sniffed in my embrace.
"Thank you. For giving me other chances to live. Even though I didn't get my happy ending in any of these lives, I still had many great moments that I cherish a lot."
"R-really?"
"I swear that this time, I will get the ending that I wish for, and then I'll live until I turn into a wrinkly old woman and die in peace."
