Everyone has secrets. We all hide pain behind our sometimes smiles. So I'll share with you a little bit about the broken pieces of me. I've struggled a lot of my life with depression and anxiety issues. Intertwined with that I've offered myself a lot of self hate. Along with my issues I've hid from myself behind the mask of denial.
Depression is a dark scary place. It's heavy, and hard to breathe in. The sadness can outweigh you and keep you pinned to your shame. The funny thing is, I believe in so much more than the blackness of this piece of me.
Jagged as it is I'm not telling this story to encourage others to wallow in self. I share my story, because as true as it is, the things you hold against yourself they don't matter. I know when I'm stumbling through the black and someone tells me just be happy. You're going to be ok someone might say. When your gut wrenching feelings suffocate your hope and deny this truth.
Yet how else can you help someone struggling with guilt, shame, fear, and pain? What I can tell you is I've told people struggling that it will be ok. I've done this cause I know the truth in those words. When I speak these words I'm not speaking to the cloud I'm speaking to the hope. So when the emotions finally let that light inside you come up for air (because they always will) maybe that encouragement will sustain you.
The battle is daily, but why shouldn't it be? There are people struggling with poverty, hunger, and so many more extremities. Here I am Canadian and boo hooing to myself about how much I don't like myself? I'm glad for the pain it reminds me how selfish it is to focus on me. Harsh as it sounds, I know my life is meant for more. I have plans to save lives and empower thousands.
So what if the pain cuts deep! Don't be afraid of the pain. The pain never wins. Trust me I've carried and gave birth. Pain, can never stifle hope, no matter how deep it cuts. So when I'm
Not being overshadowed by my own self pity. I'm out there trying to uplift others.
The number one thing I've learned is when life is hard. Focus on helping others.
