A Little Bit... A Little More. (Huh?)

Type: Chapter 21

The next day as I was lying in bed staring at the ceiling, I felt like I had no energy in my body because of the ongoing battle in my head and what Puifai had enlightened me to the night before. I couldn't even expend enough energy to turn my head when I heard Tharn coming into the studio. I could feel his presence looming at the end of my bed. I just stayed there, staring up at the ceiling. 

"Have some lunch. You've been in that position since morning. You haven't even spoken a word to me. I'm worried. And I'm also bored. Come on, get up!" Tharn said as he lifted my blanket. I didn't know what to say to him. I couldn't find the words in the limited vocabulary that my mind was capable of at that moment, given how exhausted it was because of the intense mental gymnastics it had been put through for over a week.

"Type! Talk to me!" Tharn said, flipping my blanket over and over. I finally turned my head down to look at him to see him crack a smile when our eyes met and I immediately cringed at how that assaulted my chest with warmth. 

"Let me be, Tharn. I'm tired," I said, as I stole my gaze away from him and stared back up at the ceiling. 

"No, you haven't eaten anything. Also, you can't be that tired. You came back at 9:30 yesterday and have been in bed since. You haven't even changed your clothes. It's 3 PM! Get up and eat. I got you your favourite food," Tharn said pleadingly. I felt a little guilty at the way I was behaving because I knew that I was worrying him and he had a habit of overthinking things to a point where he started blaming himself for it. Not wanting that to happen because of me, I slowly got up and dragged myself out of bed and sat down on the couch. Tharn followed me happily as he placed a plate in front of me and I started mindlessly eating, staring at my reflection in the black TV screen. I could see how haggard I looked even in that blurry reflection. 

'Great. Like I needed any more confirmation that I am not good enough for Tharn, even if he had any interest in me. My state right now just cements it. I can physically see that Tharn will never look at me the same way. I look like a homeless person,' I thought as I angrily shoved the food in my mouth. 

"So, are you going to tell me about last night?" Tharn asked from beside me. 

I blinked emptily at my reflection for a few moments as I tried to come up with how to phrase the entire incident without letting on the fact that Puifai didn't want to date me because she found out I liked him.

"Not much. We just talked about general things and she just decided she didn't vibe with me. I'm fine. I'll find someone eventually. I'm just 20. One heartbreak won't kill me," I said as I cracked a small smile at my misery. I realised I was going through a heartbreak at the moment, but not because of the reason Tharn was probably guessing. My heartbreak was happening because of him. Because I couldn't muster up the courage to tell him that I had feelings for him. Because I knew that he only looked at me as a friend. Because I would never be good enough for him to begin with anyway. 

"But I don't understand why she wouldn't want to date you. You're literally everyone's dream man," he said and I turned my head to look at him in shock. 

'Is he kidding me? He's just hitting me where it hurts,' I thought. I started chuckling at the sheer irony of his sentence because the 'everyone' he mentioned would never include him. Tharn looked utterly confused at my reaction. 

"Why are you laughing?" He asked, wide eyed. 

"Because you're funny," I said as I got up to clean my plate at the sink. 

Tharn walked up next to me to clean his plate too and started to clear the leftovers into the bin. 

"Will you really be alright?" He asked as he turned to face me, furrowing his brows in worry.