[I was astray]

4

i look in the mirror, whats left was my a bulletproof vest. I put it on and grab my gun leaving the room. I see y/n sleeping on the couch, in the same place she was yesterday, she must of fell asleep.

I was going to leave her but something made me hold her in my arms and take her to the bed. I double check my stuff before i head out early before dubais extremely hot weather takes over.

---
12 hours later

i bite my lip as the pain shots up from my arm rushing through my whole body.
i wasnt expecting to be shot. One of those fckers sneaked in on us from the back and started firing. 2-3 people including me were injured, the damage wasnt bad.

Said enters the room,

-draco wants us, lets go

I get up before the nurse finishes what she was doing, i would come later. When Draco calls you, you gotta be there unless you have a valid excuse and i guess mine wasnt.
,,

-alright boys... now,

He stars as we all gather around him staring at the aging man, i randomly notice his wrinkles and remeber he had none when i first join. Would this mean i had wrinkles too but didnt notice them? I shook the thoughts out of my head and focus back on Draco.

~~~

I push the key into the hole while pushing the door open. My eyes immediately meet hers. Silence over comes us as i enter. She faces me like she wants to say something.
As i take off my jacket she says,

-rami i-

She stops. I look at her to see her eyes in shock.

-what happend?!

-what do you mean?

-look at yourself?! Why is there blood there?

She says panicing as i look at my bandage.  The bandage was covered in blood, i remeber that i left the nurse without her finishing her job and forgot to go back.

-sht.. dont worry, its nothing

-what do you mean?! Thats a lot of blood. Let me have a look...Do you have some bandages here? Something i can use.

-in the bathroom cupboard...

She rushes to get them before i can and comes back with a few things

-sit here,

She reaches for the bandage but i stop her

-why are you helping me Do you even know how too?

- im not a nurse but im a widwife. I know a few things.

She whispers bismillah before taking it off.

That word... it reminded me of my mother, my childhood.

It was the first time i fasted a whole day, with everyone else. Before i only fasted until lunch time, but this time i had done a full day. I always loved sitting around the table waiting for iftar with all the familes. But this time i was going to open my fast aswell.

-Rami, have sabr theres 1min left.
My mum says with a warm smile.

الله اكبر الله اكبر....

I immediately reach for the Samosas and before i can stuf them into my mouth my mother stops me and hands me a date,

-open it with this and dont forget to say bismillah...

-Rami?

-oh sorry what?

-i said how did this even happend?

-its nothing... i mean its normal i got shot.

-so you someone shoots you everyday?

-no not like that
I laugh

-Today we raided a rival gang, we dont do this everyday of course.

-... i still cant understand how you got used to this life.. you know where we're  from how it is..

-yeah, such a pure genuine village.  Everyone would  know and help eachother...

-didnt you ever miss them?

-of course i did but as time went i stopped thinking about it. I forbid myself too, i always pushed the thoughts aside... Since you've came ive been thinking about it. You made me think about them... and this lifestyke im living, why im living... i dont know. Yeah i know what ur thinking... im so selfish i agree, i didnt even think about you guys

-we cant change the past, we can only learn from them...

-yeah...

- so, did you stop believing in-

-i never stopped... it just faded away. When you join stuff like this your also giving your soul, there is no room for anything else. Religion, family, genuine relationships... they dont survive here.
I do sometimes think about coming back, to pray repent but what will happen if i do? Nothing will change because i cant leave this life. Im to far gone to come back.

- you arent

-maybe your right... ah sht!

-oh sorry im so sorry,

-لا مشكلة
I wait for her reaction, Her face lights up and she smiles at it, she notices me looking and quickly stops smiling.

-all done,

-شكرا حبيبتي

ماذا حبيبتي?

She says going red,

-sorry its an habbit,

-so you call everyone حبيبتي?
She laughes

-لا، الا الى جميل البنات
-مع السلامة

She says rolling her eyes as i laugh.

In that moment i realised,
I missed her.