In your arms

41 | My comfort

I woke up alone in bed.

My stomach hurting.

The weird taste in my mouth.

Feels like I want to throw up.

I jump of the bed and rush to the bathroom. I throw up all over the sink.

Fuck, I will have to clean up that later.

I sit down on the bathroom floor and try to calm myself down.I take a few deep breaths. Remember what Tyler told me the last panic attack.

It took all in me to stand up on my knees and reach to turn on the cold water and splatter myself with cold water.

Still continuing to take deep breaths.

I hate this.

Maybe it's the fish I cooked last night that got my stomach all messy.

I stood up and walked over to the bed while holding onto things to not trip.I open the medicine cupboard on the bedside table and grab a pill for my panic attacks.

Just so I doesn't get out of hand.

I drink it with some water from my water bottle.

I haven't thrown up in years and the feeling makes me sicker than I already am.

I lay down in bed again and put the comforters over my body, trying to sleep again.

I hate this.

This feeling.

It's weird.

I don't like it.

I never did.

I laid on the bed for an hour or so.I couldn't sleep.I struggled to get up and walk downstairs.

Tyler probably went to work early this morning.

I make myself a cup of tea and sit infront of the TV. I put a blanket over my legs and get comfortable.

I don't know if I should eat anything, it might make me sick.So I call Tyler.

I would usually call mom but she would get to worried.It's probably nothing.

Tyler answered on the second ring. "Good morning amore! Sorry that I left without saying good bye! You were sleeping to peacefully." He says.I could only imagine him having a smirk on his face right now.

"It's okay!" I say but it comes out as a whisper.

"Amore are you okay?" He immediately asks concerned.Maybe I shouldn't tell him.

"It's nothing! Just tired!"

"Are you sure? Want me to come home? I will come home! Be there in 20 minutes!" Before I can argue with him he hung up on me.