Hiding // a.i.

6. lists and notes

- Xanthey -

I looked in the mirror to find a purple bruise dominating the side of my face. My fragile features overpowered with the mark. I sighed and put on the heavy makeup my mum bought for me the day before. I had been off school to let the swelling on my face heal and I was on constant watch with my parents. They are concerned with my wellbeing and I love that they care, I know they care but I just feel so worthless. Bree makes me feel worthless.

I try my best to present myself well. I threw on my favourite sweater because i had to cover my wrist and I wasn't prepared to wear a bunch of bracelets today. Thankfully its a cold and rainy day. My favourite kinds of days.

You know you have that feeling you have when you know something is going to go horribly wrong and you don't know what it is. Well I have that feeling bubbling away in the bottom of my stomach. I wish I could just literally make myself invisible. You would think I would like the attention I'm getting from attractive boys but in all honesty when you know attractive boys and you hang out with them without even trying girls get jealous and start to talk about you and all of a sudden you're the bitch that is a slut just because you hang out with a bunch of boys. Well my friends that is now my life. I know this because I stalked twitter while being away from school. I cried for an hour. People are mean and I am a marshmallow.

If I could choose what I did today I would not been in school and I would be on my window seat in my library reading Looking for Alaska by John Green for the millionth time with a mug of hot chocolate. Sadly I have endure 7 hours of people I hate and want to avoid.

As I make my way down the stairs I make a mental note of people I need to avoid:

1. Bree Bitchface Collins
2. Ashton Fucking Irwin
3. Dumb and dumber (Jo and Sally)
4. Anyone Australian
5. The person I shared the womb with.

Walking into school was the scariest thing of my life, I sat in my car staring at the doors waiting for the bell to ring. I put the hood of my coat up and ran into the doors. I had already got my books for my first two classes so I made it to my class early and nobody was in. Thank the Lord.

Nobody really noticed me in my first two classes which were History and Biology. I am in the grade above's class due to my boredom in the top class of my own grade. I just like to read the material we get in History and the textbooks of Biology. I make notes on every page. I am a nerd I know. I have a lot of free time due to the lack of friends and socialising.

My next class is English. I hate my life. 5/7 of the people I am trying to avoid are in that class.

I arrived early keeping my hood up and trying to cover my face with my dull blonde hair. I sit in the seat closest to the window and furthest away from the door hoping that those 5 people won't notice me.

"Hey Xanth." Oh no its Australian. They have black vans on. That could be fucking any one of them.

I slowly creep my head up to meet a pair of shining hazel eyes. Fuck. I snap my head back towards my desk and stared at the graffiti sketched all over it.

"Sit down Kiddies its time to do some English." Mr Rodgers I love you right now! Thank you for making Ashton sit down and leave me alone. You the best.

"Okay as we know your projects are due in 2 weeks. The projects have to be on something that inspires you. What makes you motivated to actually do this assignment for example. What motivates you in life? What makes you wake up in the morning? What makes you see things in a different light? Got it? Lets get started, find your partner and get working. Yes Harry."

"Sir do we have to write the same thing as our partner?"

"No Harry like I have said to you before, your partner is there to ask you questions and really dig deep into your mind to get the best things out of you. They are trying to make you think."

Harry nods and Michael pulls a desk next to mine and smiles widely at me.

"Hey Xanthey. Ready to start?" I bend down and grab my notes I had made Michael, they had a series of questions for him to answer. I had already answered them myself. Since I didn't want to talk to Michael I had to be my own partner but I wasn't willing to let him down. "Ummm thanks?" Michael furrowed his eyebrows.

I kept my head down and totally ignored Michael, sadly I know I can't do that for the whole lesson. I wanted to talk to Michael but Sally was watching me like a hawk. I knew if I talked to Michael she would tell Bree. I had to wait until she was distracted. After 10 minutes of him trying to make me talk he gave up and worked on the questions I gave to him.

I noticed Sally smirking at me and then continued to flirt with her partner to make him do her whole assignment for her. With that it gave me a window to apologise to Michael.

Dear Michael,

I'm not ignoring you, well I am but I'm doing it for my own good. People are watching me. I hope you understand.

Love Xanthey :-)

I slip the piece of paper on Michael's desk and continued with my work. I noticed in the corner of my eye that he smiled a little. A couple of seconds later he slipped a piece of paper on my desk.

Dear Xanthey,

You're paranoid but Sally Stupidhead has been staring at you all lesson. Plus a certain Ashton Irwin. Throw the guy a bone he talks about you more than your own twin.

Love Mikey the love guru ;-)

I laughed a little to myself and replied.

Dear Love Guru Mikey,

I believe that you're delusional as Ashton Irwin does not stare at me or talk about me. He can do much better than me anyway.

Love Invisible Girl :-(

Michael's eyebrows furrowed and he turned his head towards me and our eyes met. He motioned towards Ashton, he was staring at us. I gave him a small smile and he smiled back. Love can hurt you and Ashton Irwin was hurting me. I couldn't talk to him or I will get beaten up and I can't be with him because I'm not worthy of him.

It just hurts.