The Aeryn Awards 2021 [Complete]

LGBTQ+ 🏳‍🌈

Below are the results in the LGBTQ+ category, as given by judge yaried. If you submitted your book in this category, scroll to find the title and username associated with you work and the attached review. The books are listed in order of entry, as listed in the 'list of participants' chapter. 

"The Missing Pieces" by NiaDninja-Judged by yareid

[5/24 chapters read]

Cover[4.5/5]
Title[5/5]
Summary[4.5/5]
First line/paragraph[8/10]
Plot[30/30]
Characterization[5/5]
Writing style[19.5/20]
Grammar[19/20]

Total: 95.5/100

The title makes it seem like maybe someone's mind? or maybe something out of their life is missing? (Maybe they don't know what that is). I like the warm tones of reds, oranges and yellows. The silhouetted figure contrast with the background making it stand out.

In the summary the first sentence is a strong attention getter-nice drop of wisdom. I like how the paragraph and sentence lengths are diverse. This is a well written summary. You promised to "fill in all the pieces" and "to take [readers] back to a time before even Lachelle "knew that the...fourth camp existed". I look forward to reading about that. I will say a few things, in the third section you can omit 'a' and the extra 'three camps' it repeats and I'm pretty sure it is a typo.

First line\paragraph- The first sentence is ok. It didn't really grab my attention like your summary did. Maybe you could work shop the first line by putting a short one liner or sentence in place of it-surprise me. Maybe it could hint at how Lachelle feels about her mother.

Plot- This story has so many unexpected turns. I like how character based it is. It's a nice balance between character development and pushes the plot forward. Your title ties in well with the plot.

Characterization- Lachelle seems interesting. She's sarcastic, and not afraid to let people know she's not interested-hence her and the Cara. She is also so hopelessly crush struck and has a sense of humor.
Cara is so lazy, flirtatious, but obviously doesn't know when a girl not interested. Although I might feel bad for her when Lachelle has to tell her she is just not interested-hopefully in a extreme way(one I wouldn't expect). "Karate is optional" is my favorite line by her. It makes it seem like she is only at Camp Pride to admire and try her luck at the same-sex if you will.

Chloe...well she is a big part of Lachelle's world-her crush, and sorta-kinda friend. She is no pushover, but it's clear she has the skills to beef someone up if need be.
Alex seems so realistic, and I could picture her interactions with Chloe and Lachelle.

Writing style/structure- I like your word choice especially the " I am only rude sometimes. I am always petty". I always offhandedly use those two terms interchangeably. Your very great at using specific word choice.

I like the method you used to 'skip' time from when the characters attended camp to when they got back home.

Grammar- Watch out for typos and misspelled words(I think you already said you enlisted an editor?) Some of the typos got in the way of readability, but they are far and few between.

I have never read a lesbian(sorry if that comes off as offensive-it's not meant too:)) story before but this is good. I really enjoyed getting to know your characters and reacting to the story as a whole. Thanks for the experience and I hope this feedback is helpful. -yareid

"Different" by Ookaishy-judged by yareid

[5/27 read]