A New Perspective

Chapter 17

I stay silent and watch her as she's flipping through the book of cookie recipes while nearly a thousand ingredients sit next to her.

"You plan to make these all from scratch?" I ask her, a light chuckle in my voice. She looks up at me, still as calm, as if she knew I've been here the whole time.

"Yeah, it's more fun that way." She beams. "Here, c'mere."

I take a few steps to end up at her side.

"What ones do you think we should do? I've put sticky notes on the recipes that we're able to do with what we have."

I start to look through the noted pages and funnily enough, already being able to smell and taste them. I haven't had many kinds of cookies in my life, so I take an extra few seconds to imagine what some of them may taste like.

I put my finger on the cinnamon nutmeg ones and continue to flip through.

"What's the fundraiser for?" I ask.

"Well," she grins almost immediately. "All of the money earned goes to the children's hospital that's just two blocks from us. A friend that I've known for decades has been organizing it and there's been a few celebrities that have teamed up with her in order to make this huge."

I find myself smiling in adoration as well. "That sounds amazing and she sounds like an amazing person."

"She really is. She's done other things like this before, but never had so many people gotten on board and donated on her behalf or helped her organize a fundraiser like this." Gwen tells me and suddenly, I want to meet this friend.

I reach over the table to get my cup, taking a sip from the drink that Gwen has gotten me as she's still looking in my direction, and that seems to remind her that she has one of her own.

I stifle a laugh, a part of me thinking I shouldn't be laughing from what happened just last night, but another part of me thinks that I should be able to feel what I want to feel. Sometimes I wonder why my thoughts have to be so contradictory.

"Got any ideas?" She asks me, standing by my side again. I unintentionally move closer which results in her putting her arm around me.

"Cinnamon nutmeg sounds good - I've never had those. Of course chocolate chip because everyone likes those. And oatmeal maybe 'cause those are my favorite." I list off the ones that I've marked with my fingers. I look up at her and she smiles.

"Perfect. That sounds like a great variety." She gives me a squeeze before letting go and getting out trays and parchment paper. "We'll save a couple from each batch, too, just for us."

I smile and for those several minutes, I'm not thinking about my mother.

I help Gwen make the cookie dough and spread the balls of dough across the tray. While doing all this, I'm surprised by how much I'm talking. I don't talk this much to Gwen on a normal day even, but there's something different about her today.

Maybe not about her specifically, but in the relationship I have with her. She's even more important to me than she was only twenty four hours ago.

After we've fallen silent for a few moments, she speaks up again, sounding hesitant. "I... I hope this isn't too early to bring up, but about adoption- do you still want that?"

I nod immediately. "Now more than ever."

A glimpse of a smile appears on her lips. "Okay. All we have to do now is speak to a few people and sign some papers once everything's approved and then-"

"Then I'm yours?" I say quietly, not sure if I believe it's that easy.

She takes a second to let it sink in as I'm doing and then she grins at me. "Yeah. Then you're mine."

I watch her play with the idea in her mind. I hear her whisper, "Oh my... gosh."

She can't believe it either.

We get through most of the batches, preparing the next batch while the previous one is still baking. I'm having more fun than I thought I would have. I guess just being around someone like Gwen can do that to you.

"Hey, Vi?" She speaks up again.

"Yeah?" I look up at her.

She rolls another ball of cookie dough in her hands and plops it down on the sheet as she asks me, "When's your birthday? I don't think you've ever told me."

"June 22nd and I probably never told you because I don't really like my birthday." I say. I'm not sure why I had to expend on that, but I did, and now there's going to be questions.

"Why's that?"

I shrug although I know the answer. "It just- it never was that great of a day."

It used to be just another year that I had to be alive, especially last year.

From the corner of my eye, I watch her stop what she's doing, wiping her hands on a cloth. "I'm sorry to hear that, but we'll make this year a lot better, okay?"

If I'm with Gwen still then it will already be better.

I don't respond and instead watch as she takes out the other batch and puts in the last tray. She sets the timer again, then turns back to the sheets of cookies. She glances at the one that I did, smiling.

"Look at you! You're already an expert baker." She says, grinning by the time that her words have sunk in. It wasn't her intention to use those words to bring up memories I'd rather forget. She's trying to say that I did a good job yet all I can do is hold back my tears before they spill over.

When she notices that I haven't said anything or moved, her grin disappears and she's about to ask me what's wrong, I know she is, but it's too late as I end up breaking down. She pulls me into her arms immediately and I wrap my arms around her, accepting her hug.

"Honey, I'm so sorry. Was it something I said?" She tightens her grip on me at the possibility that it could've been her words.

"It's just-" I try to speak the best I can through my tears. "What you said reminded me of the good days."

Gwen starts to rub my back.

I suck in a shaky breath. "When my mother was actually a mom."

I swear I can hear her breath hitch as I say that. It really was that bad because I don't tell people nearly the half of it. Gwen actually knows a fraction of what I went through and that alone is a lot more than anyone else on this planet knows.

Maybe I didn't tell people because it had only reminded me of the fact that my mother would never change. Not for herself and definitely not for me.

"Vi, after we're finished with the cookies, I'd like to talk, okay?"

I nod, but inside I'm afraid. It never meant anything good when people wanted to talk. It may be nothing, but how am I supposed to know?