"Alone No Matter What"

Chapter 21- Quick Visit to Loved Ones

[Short chapter & un-edited. Hope you like the chapter. Sorry I couldn't update yesterday- had my Duke of Edinburgh practise expedition. To make up for it I'll try writing a new chapter tomorrow.]

Chapter 21

Lizzy's P.O.V

I pull back and look into his emerald green eyes. The eyes I've come to love so much. You know, it was the first feature that I noticed about him. They're so bright and have a mysterious glint in them. Being in his embrace makes me feel warm and just overall comfy, despite the hard grass below us.

"Don't ever do that again." Jace mumbles into my neck whilst running his hands through my hair.

"Do what? Kiss you?" I ask, knowing that's not what he meant.

"What? No! I mean don't ever avoid me again." He says to which I laugh. "I'm serious, promise me." He gives me a blank look.

"I promise." I reply in a hushed voice.

"So.." He looks at me sort of awkwardly, "I don't want you to be friends with that Clause kid."

"Excuse me?" I yank my arms out of his embrace.

"Can't you see the way that he looks at you? He definitely likes you and it's annoying!" He scowls.

"Clause? No way! We're just friends Jason. And you can't choose who my friends are." I yell.

"Don't lead him on or string him along then." He matches my tone.

"String him along? So that's what you think of me then?" I shout angrily.

"No..." He gestures between us, "Look... there's something between us okay? I don't want some stupid nerd getting in the way of that!"

"Stupid nerd?" I ask bewildered, "Way to contradict yourself, jerk!" I say sarcastically, standing up to walk away.

"Wait!" Jace pulls my arm back, "I'm sorry, please.. just... I like you, okay?!"

"I- Just leave me alone. I don't know what I'm feeling and I'm fucking confused!" Urghh. Oh damn it! I actually don't know what to do anymore.

Before I know it I find myself walking away to who knows where. I just keep walking.

***

Why is it always so grey when I come here? Clouds fill the sky and I let the cemetery before me sink in. I haven't been here is so long, yet I will never forget where their grave stones lay. I make my way right to the end of the second row. I cross my legs and sit in front of Tom's grave.

"Hey buddy!" I start almost cheerfully. "How's it going for you little bro? I miss you so much you know? I wish you were still here, but I guess you'll have a better place up there."

I pause, thinking of what I can say to my little brother who never got to pass the age of 5.

"It's not the same without you, mum and dad. But don't worry about me, I've got Aunty and Uncle and of course Jamie, Becca, Sean and Ames! Sorry I haven't visited you in... well a long time. I know I've already said this, but I miss you and I'm so sorry for not being able to protect you. I should have been a better sister to you, but I wasn't. And I'm sorry that I couldn't look after you." My voice cracks at the end and I feel misery overtake me. I've kept it in so long, and now just a slight thought about it makes me want to break down.

"I'll talk to you soon; I'm going to speak to mum and dad now. Love you." I smile sadly at nothing in particular- just my life and all my previous circumstances.