Foggy Nights

Sunday, December 20th

It was over two months of Charlie being my boyfriend, and almost a month of annual examinations. Charlie had been crying almost everyday, but the results still come out as blank as an empty mind… Until today.

We were called to the hospital, yet again, for another examination; only to find out that Charlie was actually carrying FFI. The doctors were very calm, but it felt as if our hearts had torn to shreds. Charlie was going to die. Charlie and I screamed in rage; we were going to lose our humanity for each other, even though Charlie was the one who was slowly dying.

We went home, and I led Charlie to our bedroom. He was sad, and I was sad and furious for his final diagnosis.

"Andy, can I tell you something," Charlie said with a tired look upon his sad face.

"Yes," I said, my butt clinging to my bed, and my eyes welling up with tears.

"I thought that I would live with you and your kind mother, but I was wrong." Charlie sat up and gave me a warm, but small kiss on my lips. "I know that I can't stay forever, but as my last wish, I want you to never stop loving me forever; even if I'm gone, remember me as we were." He slowly started to tear up.

After that, Charlie and I hugged and cried for half-an hour, eventually we napped and undressed each other. I figured if Charlie was going to live, that I should at least cherish it as us having sex for the first time. I probably wouldn't be able to marry him, or adopt into a family, but I'd still be able to love him.

I wiped Charlie's eyes, and we fell asleep naked together. We never loosened our grip, but there was a little room between our strong grip to breathe. I woke up to see Charlie soundly sleeping. Creep. I ran my fingers through his shiny, long, black hair. I hated the doctors, but wished for a cure to Charlie's curse. Sadly I knew that there was no cure even if I did try for one.

My mother made chili for us for dinner that night. We prayed for Charlie for the first time, hoping that the advice from my mother's religious friend would help to heal Charlie. I knew that it might be a lost cause, but I didn't want to not accept my mother's judgement either.

We ate in silence, not knowing what to say, nor what to think. I slept with Charlie. I love you so much, Charlie. I wish I could love you longer than expected. Damn, I wouldn't know what I'd do or be without you by my side. I love you too much to say 'goodbye'. I sighed and kissed his forehead. Good night, Charlie.