When The Flower Withers (Fleur Series #1)

Chapter 32

He turned his back at me.

"Why are you doing this?" He halted when I pulled his right arm. Gaya ko, para din siyang napaso nang magdikit ang mga balat naming dalawa.

Ilang segundo rin siyang nakatingin sa kamay ko na nasa braso niya... Tiningnan niya lang ako nang alisin ko ang kamay ko ro'n. I hold my gaze at him.

"Why don't you ask that to yourself?" He stared at me as if he was observing me, as if he was reading what has been running on my mind. "What did I do to you? Ginawa ko naman 'yong sinabi mo, 'di ba? I let you go because you wanted me to be happy, you wanted me to find myself, to free myself... Then, why are you still doing this? Bakit hanggang ngayon sinasaktan mo pa rin ako?"

Natigilan ako... He was looking deeply at me and slowly, I did the same... There, in his eyes, I saw hatred, devastation, loneliness and... brokenness. I closed my eyes... I didn't leave him for that. I didn't sacrifice my love for him only to see those emotions from his eyes upon seeing him again.

When he started to speak, that's when I opened my eyes as I looked at him.

"Ginawa ko naman 'yong sinabi mo, eh. I became happy and free. I learned how to ask help, I learned how to prioritize myself first... I learned a lot of things while you were away... I just... I just couldn't help but to ask myself, why? Kaunting panahon na lang naman ang hinihingi ko sa 'yo no'n... Kahit sobrang sakit, kaya kitang pakawalan kasi ayaw kong ikukong ka sa bagay na hindi na nagpapasaya sa 'yo..." He bit his lower lip and his chest moved when he heaved a deep sigh. The intensity from his eyes were too much but I did my best to looked back at him. "Hindi ko alam na pera lang pala ang kapalit ko sa 'yo-ng pagmamahal ko sa 'yo."

Furrowing my brows, I asked him. I was so confused. What was he talking about? "What are you talking about?"

Ngumisi siya at umiling. Saglit siyang tumingin sa gilid niya bago ako tinitigan. "My mom... She paid for you, right? Kaya ko pang tanggapin kung 'di mo na ako mahal, eh... Pero para ipagpalit mo sa pera 'yong relasyon natin?"

Kasabay ng pamumuo ng luha sa mga mata ko, sinampal ko siya. I made sure it was painful than the last time I slapped him. "Hindi..." Huminga ako nang malalim nang maramdam ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko. I clenched my fists as I felt my eyes burning with tears. I was so mad! "You had no idea how many times I fought for you, for our relationship... for us! You had no idea how painful it was for me to look at you while thinking about letting you go when in fact, I still wanted to fight... kahit para sa 'yo na lang."

I stopped from talking when I felt a different kind of pain in my chest... Pakiramdam ko, 'yon na ang pinakamasakit na naramdaman ko. Nothing and no one could abate the pain, sorrow, and hatred in my heart after hearing from him I was just after someone else's money; his mother's money.

I was still staring into his eyes but I already refused myself to read the emotions I could see from it.

"Ganiyan kababa ang tingin mo sa akin? Sa pagmamahal ko para sa 'yo? Lumaban ako! Lahat nilabanan ko para magtagal tayo... Pero, Ash, may hangganan din naman 'yong paglaban ko para sa 'ting dalawa." I bit my lower lip as my tears kept on streaming down my cheeks, I was still standing even if this pain I was feeling in my chest was enough to make me weak. "Lumaban ako sa mommy mo... Lumaban ako kahit na nakakapagod, kahit 'di na kita naiintindihan, kahit sobrang sakit para sa 'king isipin na isang araw, wala na akong magagawa... I had no choice but to finally end us, to finally let you go... But that doesn't mean I didn't fight. Mahal kita pero pagod na pagod na 'ko no'ng mga panahong 'yon."

Pagod na ako pero mahal ko pa rin siya.

How could he think so lowly of me?

Matatanggap ko pa kung galit siya sa akin kasi basta ko na lang siya iniwan, eh. Pero para maniwala siya na pera ang dahilan kung bakit ko siya iniwan? I was more than that. My love for him was priceless, was magnanimous. Hindi matatapatan ng kahit na ano 'yong pagmamahal ko sa kaniya no'n...