Childish

28

Tears built in my eyes and I blinked them away for another glance at my parents. Only this time, they were further away. I reached out for them, hoping and praying they would see me and come to me.

The high I got from just seeing them was so intense. Yet the low of when I realized they were disappearing was just as bad. My body felt weak from trying to manage the emotions running through my mind. I just wanted to see them and I couldn't.

Why?

I crawled forward on my hands and knees but it felt like I wasn't moving anywhere. The walls surrounding me were suddenly swallowing me up. Rather than seeing my parents, I saw white walls moving toward me.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight and waited for them to squish me. I waited for the inevitable.

But it never came.

When I opened my eyes once more, I saw that I was still in my crib. The room was still dark. And scary.

I rolled onto my back and let out a shaky breath. My chest felt tight and I felt a lump forming in my throat. I didn't want to cry but it wasn't like anyone was going to see me do it.

I covered my face with my hands, trying to calm myself down. It was just a dream. It wasn't real. Maybe if I kept telling myself that, it would feel more true. I could convince myself that everything was okay.

But who was I kidding? I felt like I was losing it. I couldn't sleep alone anymore when I'd gotten used to doing it through everything I'd been through. I couldn't walk and needed help doing just about everything. While I was trying my hardest to adjust to everything that had happened since my family and I moved to Alpine, it felt like I was slipping. I was losing all that control I'd built up. I didn't know what I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to fit in when I was so different from everyone else in Alpine.

I sat up and grabbed the bunny that lay on the side of the bed. It had been pushed up against the bars as if it was trying to run away. In the process of getting my bunny, my pacifier fell to the floor.

I groaned and pressed my forehead against the bars. I didn't need the pacifier. I was perfectly fine sleeping without it as well as not needing it when I was awake. But there were times when I felt better if I had it, even if I wasn't using it.

I thought about lowering the bars and climbing out of the crib but I wouldn't land on my feet. I was afraid of hurting myself so I decided against it.

I huffed and was just about to lay back down when an arm came into view.

Alex picked up the pacifier and brushed it off on the t-shirt he was wearing. He removed the side of my crib so the entire right side was open before handing the pacifier over to me.

If he saw the pacifier fall, it meant he'd witnessed more than just that. And the thought embarrassed me.

He sat down on the floor beside me, resting his arms on his knees. "Did you have a bad dream?"

I wiped the rest of my tears away as I laid back down. I rolled onto my side so I could face him and nodded, answering him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I lowered my gaze to the bunny in my arms. "I don't want you to leave me."

He opened his mouth to talk but quickly shut it. He leaned his head against one of the corner posts of my crib. "That's not going to happen, Ly. We're stuck with each other. For the rest of our lives."

"Do you like having me around?"

"Of course I do."

"I'm not holding you back from starting a family or anything, am I?"

His fingers moved into my hair, brushing it back over my shoulder. "You're my family, Lyla. That won't ever change."

I looked up at him, feeling some of my nerves start to dissipate. "You mean that?"

He laughed. "Yeah, I mean that. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

I scooted myself closer and rested my head on his arm. "Can I ask you something?"

"You've already asked me a few things tonight. I don't see why you'd ask for permission for one more."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't want you to laugh at me for asking it."

"I promise I won't."

"So... since it's clear that I'm not leaving Alpine and I'm not going to be getting any older or bigger, I... I think I should start acting... more like a baby. I... I want to, I mean."

"That wasn't exactly a question."

I punched his shoulder. "That's not the point."

He laughed. "I know that. I'm just messing with you."

"And you laughed at me."

He took a breath and calmed his laughter. "Okay. I won't laugh anymore. Anyway, that's not that hard to do. I mean, you know where we live, right?"

This time, I hit him with my bunny. Right in the face. "Remind me not to wake you up in the middle of the night for a deep conversation."

"I'll turn off the baby monitor so I don't hear you next time."

"Wait, that's how you heard me?"

"I told you I'm not going to leave you. There are only two walls separating you from me. And it'll only last until morning."

I slid my arms around his middle and hugged him.

"Okay, you need to get back to sleep." He waited for me to lay back down in bed before covering me with my blanket. He tucked my bunny against my side before holding the pacifier out for me. "This might help you sleep better."

I took it from him and stuck it in my mouth. I was still unsure about using it. But if I was going to try the whole 'baby' thing, using the pacifier was one of the main things I needed to give a try.

Alex kissed the top of my head. "Good night, Lyla."

I watched him as he left. I felt better knowing that he would be able to hear me if I had a nightmare again. I didn't feel as alone as I initially felt.

Once I fell asleep, I stayed asleep for the rest of the night.

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Are you guys liking daddy Alex as much as I am?