Out Of Time

hundred twenty

"I was pregnant," Y/N whispered, shakily.

Bucky spun around. He wasn't expecting her back here after her leaving this morning, especially so soon. He didn't make a move to go closer, scared that she'd run off again.

She took a shaking breath before continuing, "When the Accords went down, I was pregnant."

"Was?" Bucky repeated.

Y/N bit her lip and nodded, unable to look Bucky in the eyes. "Yeah... I found out the day the team was brought the Accords. I didn't immediately tell anyone because of that."

"In Siberia... you were sweating and trembling..."

"I was having a miscarriage... Tony found me in the quinjet. After you had told me to leave. I could't make it further than the quinjet because of it."

"You were throwing up... the baby..."

"The baby didn't appreciate me using my powers."

"Did... did anyone know?"

"Clint and Nat found out because they're master assassins... no one else knew. Not Steve. Not Tony... I disappeared after they confirmed the death of my child. I couldn't- I.... I couldn't face Tony. They guilt he would have for the death of the baby... I couldn't deal with that and my own guilt.... Cause it was no ones fault but my own."

"No," Bucky stepped forward, shaking his head. "It's not all on you. It was the stress of the situation."

"But it is.... If I just would have said something-"

"I would have still been framed and Stark and Steve still would have been at each other's throats. You have to know that."

"It hurts... all the time... when I saw you for the first time since Siberia... I was reminded that I should be holding my baby in my arms. That's one of the reasons I quickly disappeared. I can't-" Y/N's voice broke and she looked away. "I'm struggling to live with it."

"I get it." Bucky watched as Y/N still wouldn't look at him as she struggled to hold back her emotions. "Y/N... look at me." She responded with clenching her eyes shut. "Please, doll..." She still made no move to. With a small sigh, Bucky brought his hand up to her chin and gently moved it so that she was facing him. "I get it. I struggle every day with the pain that I have caused... If anyone understands, it me... Y/N, please look at me." She slowly opened her tear filled eyes to look at his caring, loving ones. "Nothing that happened was your fault. And nothing that happened could make me stop loving you. I'm from Brooklyn, doll. Always have been, always will."

"Bucky..." she whimpered. "I-I-"

"I know you're not in that place right now. But that's okay. I'm willing to wait because you're worth it." Bucky carefully cupped her cheek. "You've always been worth it to me," he whispered, resting his forehead against it.

Getting caught in her whirlwind of emotions, Y/N pressed her lips against his. Bucky willingly welcomed it. He had kissed her on the quinjet in Siberia, so it hadn't been as long as it had been since their last kiss. But this was something else. He could feel all her sadness she was pouring into it, feel the tears running down her cheeks. The more sadness she poured in, the more love he did. He didn't want her to feel the way she did. She didn't deserve it.

When the kiss broke, their foreheads went back to resting against each other and Bucky's hand brushed away the tears spilling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have-"

"Sshhh," he cooed. "It's okay."

He wrapped his arm around her, holding Y/N as close to his chest as he could. She let the dam break into Bucky's chest. She had been holding onto to so much, for so long, it was about time to let all her emotions out. He stood there, holding her, until her sobs turned into small whimpers.

Bucky could tell that she was tired, but without his other arm, it would be hard for him to carry her into the house. So instead, he brought the two of them down onto the ground. He thanked himself for leaving the blanket out from yesterday. Y/N was curled up against his chest as Bucky put the blanket around them. She fell asleep with her head on his chest. He stayed awake longer, not waiting this moment to end.

~~~

Y/N woke up first. It took her a minute to realize that she was wrapped up in a blanket with Bucky, underneath the tree. She watched him sleep for a moment, honestly surprised with how peaceful he looked. His long hair was falling into his face. She carefully moved it behind his ear.

She was deeply confused. Y/N knew she shouldn't have kissed him. But she was caught up in so many emotions, she couldn't help herself. She let out a small sigh, realizing that she was playing with both his and Tony's emotions.

Tony. She hadn't seen or heard from him in months. She hoped that he was still searching for her but, at the same time, wished that he had moved on with someone better. Someone he deserved.

"What ya thinkin' about, doll?" Bucky asked softly, opening his eyes.

"Just... how stupid I am," she responded.

"Oh?"

"I... I have to go..."

"Why?" He sat up straighter, taking her with him.

"Because.... I... I have to do something."

"What do you have to do that you can't do here?"

"It's... it's complicated... I'll be back though. I promise."

"How long?"

She shook her head. "I don't know... how ever long it takes?"

Bucky studied Y/N. He knew that look in her eye too well, there was no changing her mind now. Only being supportive.

"Okay then." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Just stay safe."

"Always."

"Can I at least make you breakfast before you go?"

"No. I need to get going." She stood up, with him following. "I promise I'll be back soon." She kissed his cheek before disappearing through a portal.