Back To You ~ (Cazzie Fanfic)

I Don't Know How to Fix It

Now, looking into Izzie's eyes, Casey thought she saw some recognition of the meaningfulness of this focused connection there too. She also saw a trepidation that made her uneasy. Izzie bit her lip and twisted her fingers as they greeted each other with shy hellos and cautious smiles. Casey asked about Gabby and the other kids, and Izzie's day, like she always did. And Izzie gave vague answers with an exhausted, defeated expression, like she always did. Izzie asked Casey about their friends and her job, and track, like she always did and Casey answered with emotionally neutral answers like she always did.

After a few minutes the conversation slowed and Casey took a deep breath, swallowed her fear and said, "Hey, I really miss you. I love you so much and... I wanted to talk to you because I feel like... I feel like things are not ok between us. And I want to fix it but I don't know how."

Izzie had listened with a grave expression on her face. She took a deep breath.

"I know," she said, voice low and tired, looking at her hands, "I love you too. And... I don't know how to fix it either."

Then there was a long silence before Casey said, "I'm just... really not happy."

Izzie's eyes snapped up.

"And I don't think you are either," Casey continued. "And I'm worried about where we're headed if we don't figure this out before you get back."

Izzie had frozen for a moment, a deer in the headlights. Then she looked away.

"Well of course I'm not happy Casey. I mean, you may have noticed: my life sucks."

Casey tried not to take it personally, even though she could feel the adrenaline starting to surge through her body. She took a deep breath.

"I know it does," Casey said, "I know. I just feel like you're shutting me out."

Izzie took a deep breath. Tears welled up in her eyes. She looked down. She looked away. Like she was trying to work up the courage to say something. She shrugged hopelessly.

"What's wrong?" Casey asked, softly, sadly.

"I'm not coming back," she said, voice cracking.

Casey stared at her.

"What do you mean you're not coming back?"

Izzie closed her eyes. Took a deep breath.

"I'm dropping out."

Casey's heart was truly racing now, she felt hot and cold and like she couldn't breathe. She fumbled for words.

"I... but... Why? You worked so hard to get in."

"I don't have the money. I don't have the time..."

Izzie's voice was jaded, defeated, resigned.

"I can't go into that much debt. I can't be that far away from my family... Pick a reason. There are a ton."

She gazed through the screen at Casey, her face almost blank. Casey felt something like panic rising up in her. And hurt. And rage.

"Well...But the semester starts in two weeks. What about college... what about track?"

Casey wanted to say What about me? But she didn't.

"I'll probably go to community college," Izzie replied, voice emotionless. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner-"

"Yeah- wait..." Casey said, trying to clear her head. "How long have you known?"

Izzie shrugged. She looked exhausted.