Back To You ~ (Cazzie Fanfic)

Habit

"Hi Mom," Casey says, balancing the phone on her shoulder so she can finish locking her front door.

"Hi honey! How's my little Sophomore doing?"

Elsa's voice is cheerful and energetic. Casey jogs down the steps of her off campus apartment. It's a run-down 2 bedroom apartment that she shares with her friend E. The apartment is in a large, old house on a quiet, tree-lined street with sidewalks made wavy by the roots of ancient trees. When she first moved in she'd been too excited about having her own place to care much about the stained carpet or the cracked linoleum. And over time those things had become almost comforting to her.

"Oh, you know... living the dream."

She realizes this is kind of a stupid thing to say since she is actually living her dream. Sort of. Doing it all alone wasn't the dream but... lemons... lemonade... or something.

"I'm here with Sam and Dad- say hi guys!"

In the distance she hears both of their monotone voices say "Hi" in unison. It makes her chuckle.

"What are you three doing all together?"

It's a beautiful, sunny afternoon and everyone Casey passes seems happy and carefree. In a nearby park a couple throws a frisbee. A child on the corner stops to pet a dog.

"Well... Sam is here doing laundry because the dryer... in his apartment is broken!"

Elsa sounds a little out of breath, like she is in motion. Casey can picture her rushing around the kitchen and laundry room folding and stacking Sam's clothes, feeling so useful and full of purpose. The rumble-rumble of the dryer, the distant buzz of the tv and even Elsa's voice sound both familiar and foreign.

"And it's Dad's day off so we're just having a family day. Dad's watching the game and Sam's drawing. But we miss you sweetheart so I wanted to call and just... let you know we were thinking of you!"

Casey smiles. With so much distance between them this past year and a half Casey has grown to appreciate her mother infinitely more than she had before going to college. Though, of course, she would never admit that. She's been finding that the smart-ass comments and insults are harder to summon than they used to be and she finds herself having entire conversations with Elsa where she isn't impatient or rude or snarky at all.

"Thanks for thinking of me," she says, jogging to finish crossing the street before the light changes.

"What are you up to?" Elsa asks, and it sounds like she's gone into another room to talk because the sound of the tv and dryer disappear.

"Just uh, walking over to Steph's. We're gonna study and then watch the Bachelor."

"Steph is the... distance runner with the... short hair?" Elsa asks.

Casey is part annoyed and part touched that Elsa has been mentally taking notes on her social life with the same studious attention she pays to all of Sam's sensitivities, Doug's health and her hair styling business. Mostly she's touched. Casey doesn't even know Steph that well and doubts she's mentioned her much.

"Yeah, that's Steph. We have the same chemistry class.. just at different times so... we study together sometimes."

"Oh! Honey, don't forget to change the batteries in your smoke detectors this weekend!"

"Why? Didn't you just change them a couple months ago when you moved me in?"

"Yeah... but, you know, it's good to change them every time there's a time change so that you get into the habit of doing it regularly."

"Habit... right... got it," Casey says distractedly, knowing full well she will not be changing the batteries in the smoke detectors any time soon.

"Good!" Elsa chirps cheerily. "Well, I don't want to keep you I just was wondering if you are coming home for Thanksgiving or waiting until winter break, because I really think you'd love to be here for Thanksgiving, Casey it's going to be SO nice, Sam and Zahid will be here and Zahid's girlfriend... and Paige will be in town and said she'd stop by and her parents may even-"

"Mom!" Casey laughed, interrupting her mother's breathless monologue. "Mom, take a breath!"

"Sorry! Sorry... I'm just excited! And I miss you!"

Casey's in a more populated part of town now where storefronts and apartment buildings line the sidewalks.

"I know," Casey says, and is surprised to hear the warmth in her own voice. "I miss you too. But I was thinking about waiting till break... since it's a long plane ride for just a couple days."

Elsa is silent and Casey can imagine her smile fading a bit.

"But... I'll look at my schedule."

"Ok!" Elsa says. "Let me know as soon as you can. We'll pay for the tickets, obviously."

Casey is about to say goodbye when Elsa switches gears.

"You know, I was looking at old photos the other day and I found so many from past Thanksgivings, remember that one where you dressed as a pilgrim? You made the costume yourself out of construction paper!"

"Yeah," Casey laughs, a little embarrassed. "I remember. I was 10."

"You were soooo cute! Oh, I found so many great memories Casey. I found your prom photos!"

And there it is. The thing Elsa's been working up to. Casey could feel it but wasn't sure where all this was going. She sighs, feeling suddenly weak and ill-prepared for whatever this is.

"Oh, yeah?" she muses, neutrally, sitting down on a low wall outside Steph's apartment building.

"You know, the Newton prom... where you wore that dress with the blazer and combat boots and Izzie wore the-"

"Mom," Casey interrupts, tiredly. "What is this about?"

There's a pause while Elsa considers her next sentence. Casey feels anxiety begin gnawing at her previously contented mood.

"Nothing! It's not about anything. Just... um... have you spoken to Izzie lately?"

Casey feels hot and claustrophobic. Her skin starts to feel too tight like it always does before she explodes.

"What is that supposed to mean? No, I haven't spoken to her lately. We're not together and I don't want to talk about her so please just... stop bringing it up!"

Her heart is beating too fast.

"It's just... you know, I still see her sometimes. I just don't want-"

"Mom!" she almost yells, then feels bad about it and lowers her voice. "I don't wanna talk about her. I can't, ok? So please, please just stop bringing her up."

Her voice cracks on the last word. Elsa is silent for a moment.

"Yeah... ok honey," she says quietly... sadly. "Of course. I understand."

Another pause.

"Are you ok?"

Casey drags her hand over her face and takes a deep breath.

"Yeah, yeah I'm great. But I gotta go, I'm almost there."

"Ok, love you honey... bye."

"Bye Mom."