Beautifully Broken

Chapter 19

Chuckling, Caden pecked my forehead before loosening his hold on my waist. Taking advantage of that, I stepped out of his hold and put in a much needed distance between us.

I had my first kiss!

I kissed Caden King!

The little girl inside me was screaming inside me but I ignored her as I tried my hardest to control the frantic beating of my heart.

Did I like the kiss?

Of course, I did.

Am I attracted to Caden?

Of course, I am

I admit I am attracted to him. The kiss we had just shared was slow and effective. It was like a sweet addiction that I was hooked to. But an addiction was an addiction and I had to be careful around Caden. He had mood swings worse than a girl on her period and I don't know if I could handle the rejection if he didn't feel anything for me. I was a stupid, naïve girl who had fallen for the bad boy. I had given Caden my first kiss regardless of my believes and I didn't want him to tell me that it was a mistake. As sweet as Caden's kiss was, his rejection would be the opposite.

That thought alone was enough to bring me down from my high. 

"Anaya..." Being so lost in my thought, I had completely forgotten Caden was standing in front of me. Looking at me in concern, Caden took a step towards me when I abruptly took a step back, making him frown.

"I want to go home." I said suddenly, making Caden's frown deepen.

"Are you running from me, princess?" He questioned while looking at me seriously. The moment between us was lost as Caden stood watching me with hardened eyes.

"No..." I answered truthfully. I needed time to think. Caden and I were two very separate individuals and no matter how much I wanted him, I knew it was too far-fetched. Guys like Caden didn't stick to one girl. I had already given him my first kiss; I couldn't fall any further than I already had.

I had to protect myself...

Caden King had the power to hurt me and what scared me the most was that I didn't care. He could hurt me and leave me broken, yet there was nothing I wouldn't do for this boy.

"Okay. I'll drop you home." With that, Caden walked past me, his shoulder brushing mine in the process, as he moved towards the door. Sighing, I picked up my bag from the floor and followed after him, but not before glancing over my shoulder, back at the spot where I had given a piece of myself to Caden.

I needed time to think and figure out what Caden wanted before letting myself fall completely.

I had to protect myself....

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Stopping in front of my house, Caden waited for me to get off patiently but I made no move to get out. Caden looked deep in thought as he looked ahead with hands clenching the steering wheel tightly. I couldn't leave on a bad note. He had shared his secrets with me and I needed to assure him that his secrets were safe with me.

"Caden, I won't mention what you told me today to anyone." I all but whispered but he made no move to show he had heard me. He remained sitting still while looking ahead.

Sighing, I made a move to get out when Caden spoke from beside me. "Do you regret the kiss?" He asked seriously.

Did I regret it?

I had asked him to kiss me. Caden hadn't pushed me into something I didn't want to so the question of whether or not I regretted it was irrelevant.

"Caden, I..." I stopped suddenly.

What do I tell him?

That I was a seventeen, almost eighteen year old girl who had never been kissed because she wore a purity ring and wanted her firsts to be meaningful and special? And that's why I was hesitating? 

Yeah, no. I didn't need him mocking me.

But I should've known better because Caden thought the worst of my silence.

"Leave, Anaya." He said angrily making me flinch in my seat at the pure menace in his tone.

"Caden, listen to me. I... " I tried reasoning, wanting him to know the reason as to why I was scared of taking whatever this was between us further but he wasn't having any of it.

"FUCKING LEAVE!" Slamming his hand on the steering wheel hard, Caden shouted making me flinch back, my back hitting the door. I hated this side of Caden. Choking back a sob, I scrambled around before pushing open the door and running out without as much as a glance behind me.

The loud screeching of the tires told me Caden had driven off and only then did I let the tears flow freely.

Walking onto my porch, I slumped on the swing outside trying to understand what had happened. Kissing Caden was something I would never forget. He made me feel alive, made me feel addicted and intoxicated with his touch but did he feel the same way?

Caden King was damaged in more ways than one but the side of him that he had shown me made me fall for him.

Yes, I had fallen for him.

And that scared me. Caden brought out feelings inside me that were never existent, that were always hidden. If Caden didn't feel the same way for me, it would break me. Caden was everything I wasn't. I wasn't experienced or adventurous. I was safe and plain. I could never see him going for someone like me. My feelings for him are too strong and I will end up getting hurt if I keep letting Caden affect me the way he does.

So it was better to distance myself from him now rather than getting hurt later. What Caden had shared with me today, I would keep with me forever. He had confided in me, he had trusted me with his darkest secrets and I will never betray his trust.

But I was his peer guidance counselor and that's what I was going to be.

No living in the fantasy world, Anaya. 

You're a smart girl and guys like Caden would never fall for a girl like you...

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