Rapid Recovery (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Chapter 32 : Conflicted

Bucky, Sam and Y/n were now outside the back clearing of the house, trees scattered throughout their surroundings. Sam held the shield on his arm and suddenly threw it at one of the trees, although instead of rebounding off of it like Sam had intended for it to do, it sliced into the tree, stuck in its place.

"That...wasn't supposed to happen..." Sam said, looking out at the shield in the tree while Y/n mentally facepalmed.

"Sam, maybe some padding would be good," Y/n suggested in a tone that it was an obvious thing to do in order for the shield to rebound.

"I'll be right back," he told the pair, and before they could offer their help, Sam was already taking off, jogging back towards the house.

Y/n sighed with a small chuckle before turning around to face Bucky who had his hands on his hips, looking out towards the area littered with trees.

They stood in silence, Y/n simply staring at Bucky. All of a sudden the events of the day and night before appeared in her mind. It was complicated. She thought of their near kissing incident, and the fact that they had slept on the couch together. Her thoughts were now racing once again. The thought of the way his flesh hand felt, caressing her blushed and burned cheek. The intense stare he had now held for her, but it wasn't a challenging stare, or a deadly stare, it was more of a loving stare, how his eyes bored into hers. She could still feel the way his arms wrapped around her so tightly the night before, he was so comfortable.

Then the seed of doubt abruptly sprouted, seering into her thoughts, poisoning them. What if they did kiss, and he regretted it? What if she lost all the progress she had with him? What if he left her? Surely it wouldn't matter to him. He's a good guy, anyone would be lucky to have him. Then, as pathetic as it sounds, another thought occurred. Maybe he didn't even want to kiss her in the first place. He could've easily been removing an eyelash or there could've been dust in her eyes. Fear and doubt makes you think like that, and there was no way she could stop it. Even the most impossible thoughts can be made possible by fear.

Before she could even think to stop herself, she asked the question. She had to know.

"Did you really want to kiss me?" she blurted out, a wave of regret instantly washing over her before she even saw his reaction to the question.

Bucky was taken aback by the sudden need for clarification about the situation between them. He knew people could be insecure, but when your lips were just inches away, and the other person is grabbing your face, bringing you closer, you'd think itd be obvious how damn much he wanted to kiss her.

He was still recovering from shock as she looked up at him. She soon avoided eye contact with the man while Bucky opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Just one word, and she'd know. She'd know how much he cared for her, how much he liked her, how much he admired her. She was much too good for him. Bucky was currently fighting a mental battle against himself. Just as he came to the conclusion of telling her the truth, before he could blurt out that golden three letter word, Sam was back, holding a pile of assorted coloured padding in his arms.

Y/n was disappointed by the fact that Bucky couldn't even give her an answer at that moment, but she couldn't expect anything from him. Especially when she just decided to spring it on him out of nowhere. Maybe that little bit of hope that was telling her that he could return the strong feelings was wrong.

"Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have asked," she said to him in a low voice, a saddened expression painted across her face, turning away to look at Sam instead who dropped the pile of padding to the ground.

"Got 'em," Sam said before he looked up to see the sudden rising tension between the two people in front of him. He noticed how both of their moods had dropped, and how Bucky looked as if he'd wanted to punch himself.

Sam raised an eyebrow at the two, "What happened here?" he questioned, eyes shifting from Y/n to Bucky.

Y/n let out a small sigh before forcing herself to pick up her mood, "Nothing. We're fine. I'll start attaching these," she said to Sam with a slightly more positive tone, grabbing one of the thick padded sheets and dragging it over to one of the trees that was further away from the two.

"What did you do?" Sam asked Bucky, slightly furrowing his eyes in question.

Bucky looked at Sam with a blank expression, trying his best to hide the regret that he was faced with after being unable to say one simple word to Y/n.

He stayed silent, instead choosing not to answer Sam's question and simply grabbing two of the sheets and walking away over to where Y/n was, deciding to do the trees that were closest to her.

They fastened the sheets of padding to the trees in complete silence until Bucky decided that he needed to speak up.

"Y/n-"

"Look, it's fine. Just forget I ever asked. It never happened, ok? Let's just...forget..." Y/n interrupted, not wanting to go through with the inevitable, uncomfortable conversation that was about to arise.

Bucky paused his movements, both of them looking at each other while he was deep in thought, "Ok...if that's what you want."

Bucky mentally scolded himself. What if he had just ruined whatever they could have had together? Who was he kidding? He'd never be able to forget. He'd never be able to give her up. Just the thought of her being with another man after the mission was over made his blood boil. Now wasn't the time to give up.

He still had time...to make her his. Of course, if she wanted to be...and damn he really wanted her to want him.