When Love Met Destruction (Sitkolson)

Stay Away.

A/N: sorry i havent updated in literally forever i was just busy with school and stuff and had writers block... and from now on imma put the music i listened to while writing this, i know its not a blog but i just feel like it because the songs i listen to really influence what i write... im only gonna write one or two songs... ENJOY!!!

Music: With Ears To See And Eyes To Hear (sleeping with sirens)

              Wasp (Motionless In White)

*Ricky's POV*

        I know i shouldnt have kissed him. I knew that it was only going to lead me to confusion and drama, but i didnt know what else to do. I hated seeing Ryan upset and he didnt exactly object to the kiss. But how did i feel? I have these butterflies tingling in my stomach and im afraid theres no way to get them to stop.   

        I ran away from Ryan after i kissed him and headed back to the tour bus, where i hoped Jessica wasnt. She must've left by now.   I couldn't really focus on that now because my mind always drifted back to Ryan. I had to get my head back in the game though because shortly we will be heading off to our next venue. 

        "You alright, Road kill?" Josh slapped my shoulder kind of comfortingly. Really, it turned out kind of awkward, but he was only trying to cheer me up because i have been moping around for the last ten minutes. Ryan has yet to come back and it has left me a lot of time to contemplate. I didnt know what to do and i coudnt really avoid him for the rest of my life or even this tour. 

        "Yeah, im fine." I sighed. I probably should have made it a little less suspicious, because i obviously wasnt fine. Im not very good at lying though.

        "Cheer up, Bro, we're on tour! This is supposed to be fun!" He smiled and walked into the kitchen, yanking open the mini fridge to pull out a beer. I really dont think he needed any more alcohol, but who was i to take it away from him? "And where's Ryan, we're leaving in five minutes?" He slammed the refrigerator door shut and plopped down on the couch next to me, swinging his legs over mine casually. Uncomfortable as it was, it still felt kind of good to know that i still had friends to help e through things even though i probably wont open up to them about it. They're still an option though. I just needed to forget about all the drama and pent up emotions with Ryan and myself. Just then, out of my misfortune, Ryan walked into the tour bus with a stream of sunlight following him. God, he looked angelic. Ricky, keep your mind right!  Ryan strutted directly past me without a single glance or glimmer of emotion from his eyes. I had to take a risk, i had to talk to him otherwise i would be suffering in slow agony forever. I shot my hand out and snatched his wrist, clasping my fingers tightly around his skinny appendage.He snapped around, eyes glaring daggers into my own. I have never seen so much anger boil up inside of Ryan before and it kind of scared me. And that says a lot because not a lot scares me. 

        "Don't touch me." He seethed. But it wasnt an angry snarl, i could always tell when he was furious and that usually was never, this was more like a confused and jumpy kind of action. It was like an animal in distress, or a fox who has been caught in a trap but refuses to let someone even close enough to help him out. He was this terrified fox and i was the scary human. I quickly let go of his wrist and let him scurry back into his bunk. I was left confused and mixed up. My thoughts were as tangled as my headphones with no hope in fixing them. 

        "Whats up with RyRy?" Josh asked as he scrolled on his phone, probably on tumblr looking at the fanfictions people write about himself. I on the other hand, am too scared to look at my fanfictions, they're probably all smutty and creepy. 

        "I- I..." I couldnt come up with an accurate enough answer.

*Ryan's POV*

         I slumped onto my bunk once more and waited until i felt the bus rock and stir, signaling that we had finally left to head to another show. I leaned my head back against my plush pillow and closed my eyes, tossing my arm over my face to block out any light that came beaming into my bunk. I felt that familiar tension in my chest and my hands began to shake. Not again. I clenched my fists and tried to control my breathing rate but of course that didnt work. I hadnt had a panic attack in years and my doctor said i most likely would never get them again since they were only caused by stress from school. And of course i just had to get rid of my medication once i stepped foot out of high school for the last time. I would just have to suffer here until i calmed down, which most likely would take a while. 

        I took deep breaths and held them then released them for abut eight seconds each but that only seemed to make this much worse. My chest felt like it was about to burst and i was completely out of breath. This was much worse then i remember my anxiety attacks being. I felt like i was almost dying and i was about to pass out. There was no other option, i had to get help. 

        Managing my way around the tour bus while i was panting and sweating wasnt fun, i could tell you that. And i tried my best to avoid Ricky but i couldnt find any one else in time before i collapsed to the floor, clutching my chest for dear life. No matter how hard i sucked in air into my lungs, it felt like i was sinking further and further into a deep hole of pain. First, Ricky cane running over to me, panic in his eyes as he frantically searched my face. I never told him i had anxiety or at least to this extent, but everyone else knew. I never wanted to tell him because i thought he would view me as weak. "What's wrong with him?" Ricky sounded terrified as he looked at me. Josh pushed Ricky out of the way and held me up so i wasnt completely hunched over.

        "Just breathe." Josh looked me directly in the eyes and i tried to mimic his breathing but it was hardly working because i was still panicked about Ricky and his presence wasnt make it much better. "In, out, in, out..." I lost focus and was frantically searching the room, then focused back on Josh and as i watched the way his chest rose and fell. I tried to copy that and it was starting to work. I felt the air stretching my lungs and my vision started to return to me. 

        "Whats wrong with him?" Ricky was practically hiding behind Josh like i had some sort of disease or something. 

        "He has anxiety, asshole." Josh chuckled at Ricky's stupidity. 

        Ricky's eyes went impossibly wide as he looked at me like i was an unknown species of animal. "Oh, Ryan..." He reached his hand out to me but i quickly scuttled away from him and glared.

        "Stay away..."

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I know Ryan doesnt have anxiety, well at least i think he doesnt lol but for the sake of the story. 

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