When Love Met Destruction (Sitkolson)

The Show.

*Ryan's POV*

        The show. I just have to concentrate on the show. We're literally pulling into the parking lot in the back and it feels like im dying. I thought motion sickness in the tour bus was bad, the anxiety and nauseousness is about a million times worse. I was never the biggest fan of preforming in front of a ton of people. It always scared the shit out of me. Yeah, maybe i have stage fright, but i thought i got over that years ago. I never had a problem with performing in small venues for Motionless In White, but this, this is unimaginable. 

        I gathered all the confidence i managed to scrape up inside of me and went out to the main section of the tour bus where the guys were talking and laughing about something. "Umm..." I started but felt embarrassed so i stuttered and froze in my spot. "WHO'S EXCITED?" Chris jumped on the small couch that was shoved in the corner of the tour bus with the tv on the opposite wall. They were all howling and hollering in excitement, but me. I was silent and nervous beyond explanation. 

        "Uhh... How many people are going to be here?" I stumbled over my words.

        "Two-" Josh started but was interrupted by an over excited Chris.

        "Two thousand people... Our biggest show yet!" Chris nearly squealed like a small child. I should be excited, i know i should, and a small part of me was, but it was shut out by my anxiousness. My eyes fell upon Ricky who was watching me cautiously from his seat on the couch. I looked away quickly, trying to shake away any extra feelings that were brewing inside me. I had to keep him from my mind tonight at the show because i dont want anything to happen tonight infront of all these fans. If i even made it out on stage, that is. I wasnt positive that that was going to happen at all, actually, because with the way i was feeling, i might just pass out completely. 

        I couldnt help but glance quickly at Ricky to see if he was still looking at me or if it was just my imagination. Damn my impulses because he was , in fact, watching me and this time i coudnt pry my eyes away from him. "Are you okay?" He mouthed to me, obviously concerned about my well being. I would be worried too though because from the sight of it, i was shaking like a cold chihuahua. I couldn't stop it either. Is this really what happens when  im nervous? Because if it was, then i cant go on stage tonight. i'll literally shake the guitar out of my hands, and i dont think that would be a good thing. I mean, all the teenage fangirls would probably make so many gifs out of that, not that that wouldn't be funny, or anything?

        I shook my head 'no' quickly then hi in the bathroom. I expect that the guys probably looked at me strange when i did that, but i wasnt just going to stand there and die.  A few minutes later, after all the guys probably left the bus to do soundcheck before the show started, i heard a soft knock on the door. I suspected that it was probably Chris pestering me to get my ass out there and tune my guitar, or the tour manager asking me if i felt fine enough to go out on stage tonight. I couldnt let all the guys down because i was being a wimp. So, i opened the bathroom door a crack and peeked out., only to find A short guy looking at me, Ricky. I gasped and shut the door quickly, locking it behind me. "Ryan." He spoke softly, hid voice full of kindness that wanst going to make me feel better right now.

        "Leave me alone, Ricky." I tried to say as nicely as possible, because no matter how horrible i felt, i didnt want to hurt my best friend's feelings. 

        "What's wrong?" He continued stubbornly to talk to me.

        "I cant go out on stage." I said bluntly, trying not to give away how absolutely terrified i was feeling. Once again, i didnt want to let the whole band down. If i told them that i was scared then theyd stay beind and cancel the concert tonight because they felt bad, if they just thought i was sick then theyd let me sit this one out and continue the concert. They dont need me too badly, they have enough guitar players. Ghost could play my part if he really had to, they wont miss me if im gone tonight. But if i couldnt handle this concert then how am i going to get over all of the other concerts on this tour? Trick question, im not. "Just leave me here, im sick."

        "No you're not."He said simply, seeing right past my lies. I stayed quiet briefly, waiting for him to further elaborate. "You're a bad liar, and i take it offensively that you think im stupid enogh to believe you." He chuckled at the end. Yeah, i guess it was kind of stupid to lie to him. He can always tell when im not telling the truth especially when it came to concerts. Playing and expressing my music to everyone at a show was always my passion and i took it so seriously. This was my career of choice and i didnt want to fuck it up. But here i was, chickening out at a concert. I opened the door shyly and peered out at Ricky who was smiling at me.

        "I'm scared that i'll mess up."

        "Oh, come on, you're the best guitar  player that not me." He smiled at me calmingly. "Don't tell Ghost i said that though." I laughed at his small joke and followed him out of the bus and backstage of the concert hall. I felt a little more confident.

        After soundcheck and a whole lot of tuning of my guitar, it was finally time for the show to start. I was still shaking, my hands trembling nervously against the guitar as i waited for my turn to walk out on stage with the rest of Motionless In White. One of the worst things was when the crowd started chanting 'Motionless' multiple times. My heart was racing faster than a greyhound and my lungs were barely able to hold all the oxygen that i was sucking in and out quickly. I felt Ricky's arm on my shoulder and looked back at him, my eyes wide with terror and stage fright. He smiled and i almost felt my heart rate slow down, but then it quickened again when we all started walking out on stage. Fuck, fuck , fuck, this was it.

        The lights blared straight into my eyes, and the crowd went dead silent when Chris began to speak confidently into the microphone, addressing the crowd excitedly. I took deep breaths in and out, in and out, my chest rising and falling rapidly. Bit, all of those breathing techniques were only making it worse. 

        Looking over at Ricky for comfort, i saw him smiling at the crowd and then glancing at me quickly, his smile immediately dropped when he saw the expression on my face. In my mind i was screaming 'Help me', but its too bad that no one in Motionless in White was a mind reader.

        Was it too late to back out now?

        I guess it was because the last thing i saw was Ricky running towards me just before i passed out. My vision going completely black. 

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DUN DUN DUNNNNNN... what do you think???

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