Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 12: Life; Clinging To The Good

But before we're going to do all of that, there's something urgent that needs to happen; Haruka's bangs, and honestly the back of his head too, just need to be cut. That's why, as soon as we get home, I roll his wheelchair into the bathroom. I don't have any special equipment to cut or wash Haruka's hair, because I usually just rinse it over a bucket and dry with a towel.

So I put back his wheelchair a little, so he's kind of lying with his head in the sink; that should do the job. And while I'm at it, and now that I finally see Haruka in good, bright light, I also decide he needs a shave; I've never seen Haruka grow facial hair, but now he has a bunch of tiny, fuzzy, black hair all over his chin and upper lip. It looks funny, I have to admit, but not Haruka-like at all.

I carefully stroke my hand over his baby-fuzz and chuckle. "You really do need a shave. Before you have one big black beard." I laugh, but Haruka doesn't look very amused about it. I smile when he rolls his eyes at me dramatically, and promise, "Okay, I won't joke about it anymore. But I will shave you."

He grunts annoyed, and deep down I know that I shouldn't annoy him this much on his first day back home, on his birthday, but I know he'll enjoy it later on. At least he won't have his vision blocked by his long bangs anymore, and everything will be more hygienic when he doesn't have any facial hair, so in the end it only has pros.

"Are you ready?" I ask Haruka when I've gathered everything I need. "I'm going to make your hair wet first, so I think you'll like that at least." And I'm right, because as soon as the water starts running, Haruka's expression grows from annoyed to pretty pleased with himself and the water soaking his hair until it's wet enough for me to cut properly.

Or, maybe properly is a big word; I watched two tutorials, that's all. And now I hope I can manage to cut Haruka's hair in a haircut that looks somewhat like how he used to have it. I even got a photo of when he did still have his hair shorter, and when he wasn't like this yet, with me to the bathroom.

The scissors shake in my hands. "This is quite a big step, isn't it?" I ask Haruka.

Maybe it isn't too Haruka, but for me it almost feel like I'm going to be cutting away the part of Haruka that still was normal. Hair carries memories, lots of them, and so the parts of Haruka's hair that hold the memories of the hold Haruka will be gone after I put the scissors in them.

Haruka rolls his eyes at me again, moaning as I hesitantly hold the cold scissors to his bangs.

"I know," I whisper, inhaling calmly. "I shouldn't be this sentimental."

Haruka grunts agreeing, and for a very short while I feel like his eyes are actually looking right into mine. That is, before they slowly turn away again, but I got the message he was giving me. "stop being your overly emotional self and just do it".

So I do as he ask and start snipping off his hair bit by bit.

It takes at least one hour, maybe even multiple, before I dare to put away the scissors, calling it a day. I quickly shave Haruka like I normally shave myself, which takes less time, and step back to admire my work. I actually am pretty proud of what I accomplished, and when I let Haruka look at himself in the mirror, he look kind of impressed as well. His hair isn't completely how it used to be, but neither is Haruka himself, and that's okay; he's still the same person, and it's still the same hair, now ready to grow again because of all the new memories it'll be able to absorb now.

I stand there, watching Haruka as he glares at himself mouth-opened; the image of himself seems to blow his mind, his eyes are so huge and blue and bright at just the sight of himself looking this good.

"You do look amazing, right?" I ask him, but to me it's no question; I always have found Haruka's looks great, whether he's just a normal teenager or like he is now. He looks astounding, and so does his new haircut. "Why don't we go outside, take a walk, and show everyone your new haircut?"