LITERATURE,SONGS, LOVE (COMPLETED)

Wanna go on a date?

''So here we are.'' Harry said and put his hands in his pockets. He was outside Zayn and Louis' apartment.

''Yeah, I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning.'' Louis said and smiled at Harry.

''Goodnight Louis.'' Harry said and turned to leave.

''Wait.'' Louis exclaimed and Harry turned.

''You never told me why you left.'' Louis yelled and Harry smiled.

''Because of you. I told you the reason was good.'' Harry said and disappeared out of Louis sight, leaving him confused.

''We are asleep until we fall in love!''

Louis was so happy right now. He was open. Everything was bright...er than you usual.

The only thing that worried Louis was everything. Eleanor, the girls, the court, his friends, Harry.

Everything was so fucked up. All the relief, the happiness, the love that Louis experience an hour ago, a minute ago, a second ago disappeared because there were so many things that troubled him. So... so many and he needed help.

''Can I come over after football practice?'' Louis typed.

''Sure, at 6p.m, right?''

''Yes, Thank you.''

*

''So, where are you going so early?'' Zayn asked Louis, as he was drinking his coffee.

''Why are you awake so early?'' Louis said, raising his eyebrows.

''I didn't sleep at all. I got back half an hour ago.'' Zayn said.

''Go to sleep, Zayn. I'll get back soon.'' Louis said and Zayn remained confused but didn't ask anymore questions.

*

''Hi.'' Harry said and Louis smiled, as soon as he saw him there waiting for him, in the cold, in the middle of nowhere.

''Good morning, Harold.'' Louis said and put on his gloves.

''Be careful.'' Harry said and Louis rolled his eyes.

''Okay mum.''

''So you want to come to the football game next Saturday?" Louis said and Harry raised his eyes, which were focused on the pieces of glass on the road.

''Football?'' Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

''I am in the football team.'' Louis said, as Harry was supposed to know that.

''How am I supposed to know that?" Harry asked and Louis rolled his eyes.

''You could have asked...'' Louis said and now it was Harry's turn to roll his eyes.

''I am coming but only if you are good.'' Harry said and Louis laughed.

''I am, Styles.'' Louis said and picked up a piece of glass.

''Careful.'' Harry said and Louis got scared by his sudden tone.

''Jesus, Harry I am not a kid and I am wearing gloves.'' Louis said and he heard Harry's phone ringing.

''Gemma'' was written on the screen.

Who is Gemma? Louis waited for Harry to pick it up but Harry just declined the call.

Why did Harry not answer? Could she be his girlfriend or his fuck buddy or an one-night-stand?

''Who was it?'' Louis said, pretending he didn't see that it was a girl's name, who was calling Harry, this early in the morning.

''No one.'' Harry said and picked up the last piece of glass and put it carefully into the plastic, trash bag, as if the glass wasn't already broken, that Harry didn't destroy it. As if Harry loved that last piece of the broken glass. He picked up the trash bag and tied it.

Harry seemed lost right now. He looked off from the moment he saw the incoming call from a girl named Gemma.

''Are you alright?'' Louis asked and Harry nodded, still looking lost, like he didn't know what he was doing, with whom he was, where he was.

*

Harry wanted Gemma to leave him alone. His step-father to leave him alone. They kept calling him at least once a day. He didn't want to see them. They did nothing. It was all his fault. If he had treated her differently, if Gemma was different, maybe she would have been alive. Maybe, even if Harry was different, better, she could still be here. Alive, with him. Or even not with him, with someone else, happy, happier than when she was with Robin, Gemma and Harry, who never gave her what she wanted. She was like a fairy, trapped with ugly people, who left her alone but Harry tried, he tried to be a better son, a better person but she wanted more, but Harry couldn't be more, he was just Harry and he couldn't change.

Harry looked at his ''I can't change'' tattoo, that he got for her. Not exactly for her, but for himself. He wanted not to feel guilty, he wanted to remind to himself that yes, he couldn't change, that yes, he was Harry Styles, that yes, he was the weird kid but yes, he was also the player, the manipulator, the coward, the ugly, the monster, the bad, the good, the kindness, the love, the fear, the brave that sometimes existed, in slight moments, like yesterday Harry could be brave and he took the opportunity and it turned out good... at least that's what Harry thought, the bastard, that used women and men for his own satisfaction, the bad friend, the good friend, the literature student, the not-rich Styles, the rich Styles, the secret boy, the dark man, who kept his secrets for himself.

The in-love Harry, the new in-love Harry. The fifth-option Harry. The Harry, that would make everything right, he wouldn't screw anything up, he would just be there for Louis, nothing too pushy, or jealous shit. He would be normal. Normal, normal, normal. The first relationship that Harry would do.

Stressful, but nothing impossible. And before Harry could even realize the words just slipped off his mouth and caught Louis off guard.

''Want to go on a date with me?'' Harry asked and Louis felt like he couldn't breathe.

''YES, YES, YES'' Louis' mind screamed

''No.'' Louis said and they were both looking confused at each other.

''You went with Eleanor, didn't you?'' Harry mumbled and feeling himself getting angry but he wasn't going to let Louis see that. He fucking used him and pretended that he liked him.

''No, no. It's not what I meant. I just... I do, I really want to but I can't do this to Eleanor or to anyone. I am bad at this, like bad, bad. I am a cheater, I just, don't know what do you want me to say? Yes? No? What if I say yes? Then what? You know what? I know what will happen. I will cheat because I cheated on Eleanor then maybe I will cheat on you, because I am unfaithful. I screwed up the first relationship that I ever had in only a week. Maybe I will even grow old in a house full of cats and I-'' Louis started but Harry just smiled, nodding his head in agreement the whole time and went closer, until their lips touched and Louis finally stopped talking.

Harry was relieved but still mad, not at Louis, at himself. Why did he have to overthink everything and be bitter and mean and he was disgusting. He ruined everything he touched and everything he looked at and Louis was the proof of it. He ruined him and was just a bad influence but he just couldn't stop, he wanted Louis, he needed Louis, even if he was bad for him but it didn't matter because as long as Harry was there to keep Louis with him and keep him safe, cozy, warm, happy. The only thing that Harry wanted to do and to be good at is making Louis happy and Louis staying with him.

That's it. That's the only thing that mattered to Harry right now because he had messed up so many things in his life and he still does but with Louis by his side, he felt good, he felt safe and liked the feeling. He really did.

''I'll take that as a yes.'' Harry whispered and Louis tip toed, in order for their lips to meet again.