seventeen

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The next day, the men were to go out hunting, while the women were free to do as they liked. Usually, the women would spend time with each other, but Vanessa knew she would rather avoid being in a situation where she'd have to talk to the Hawkins sisters. Thus, while everyone else was in the downstairs drawing room, or promenading outside, Vanessa enjoyed some time by herself in the family room upstairs. It was rare to succeed in having alone time during a house party, so she treasured it. 

Besides, she needed some time to think.

As of late, she couldn't stop thinking of Miles. He felt present in her life now, compared to how it was before. She rather liked it, to have yet another friend who she could confide in, and be herself with. But another part of her feared the desire she felt for him. 

She'd never fallen in love before, but she guessed that if she ever did, she'd fall in love with Miles Bridgerton. And it scared her, that possibility. But she enjoyed his company far too much to distance herself from him.

She sat herself on the pianoforte, and played a song she learned from her aunt. It was one she would never forget, a song her aunt dedicated to Vanessa's parents. It was meant to be sweet and hopeful, but when Vanessa played it, it naturally sounded more grim. She played it with sorrow and grief, obviously not ideal music for a room full of guests, not that anyone ever asked her to play.

And so she played, immersing herself into the tune of the song. The song meant so much to her for it had a piece of everyone she had lost in it. Vanessa was haunted by the losses in her life, but she had long accepted them. She entered a state of melancholic peace, without any interruptions, until she heard him. Him. Of course he was here.

"I'm glad I did not have to do any forcing to hear you play." Miles stood there, leaning against the doorway.

"Miles!" Vanessa almost gasped when she heard him. She quickly stood up and straightened her skirts, trying to compose herself and not look so sullen. 

"It sounded very lovely," He told her, "but awfully sad." Apparently her efforts to look normal were vain.

"It is one of my aunt's songs. She composed it in dedication to my parents." She explained, "It's meant to be hopeful in a sense, but when I play it— it turns rather melancholy." 

"I'm sorry you had to lose them." He stopped leaning on the doorway and stepped forward, lessening the distance between them, though not making much of a difference. "You must miss them, all of them." 

Vanessa allowed herself the tiniest of smiles. Normally, she was not fond of pity, but when Miles spoke she did not feel that he pitied her, but rather understood her. She should have avoided the topic, changed the subject, but for some reason, she felt at ease. She felt comfortable talking to Miles about such a sensitive topic.

"I do, terribly." She sat back down, not wanting to stand awkwardly. "Others would say I cannot possibly miss people I've never met, and I admit they would be right to an extent. But I suppose my feelings are better explained in the way that I miss the idea of them, the concept of having parents."

Miles didn't know what to say. All he knew was that he wanted to make her forget her sadness, but he didn't know how to properly break the silence. Vanessa did it for him. 

"I was not aware that you weren't out hunting with the men." She fidgeted with her fingers, which was quite odd for Vanessa to do. But the fact that she was alone with Miles made her a little nervous. She started to overthink.

"I'm not very fond of hunting." He tugged at his cravat, "I'd rather not kill animals for sport." 

"Oh... right." She realized, "I can't believe that didn't occur to me." 

"It's easily missed," He smiled at her, "But.. I was actually looking for you." 

"What for?" She fidgeted again. He wouldn't happen to be thinking of proposing to her, right? She valued him as a friend, but friendship could easily be misinterpreted as attraction. And while Vanessa admitted to herself that she was severely attracted to him, she couldn't bear the thought of having to reject him if he thought more of her. She dared not to even think of the possibility that he loved her.

"I wanted to take you somewhere. And I don't doubt you will love it. You're going to want to put on those running shoes you bought." His eyes lit up as he revealed his purpose.

"Pardon? Where are we going? And alone?" She began to worry. 

"It's not far, and yes, alone. Unless you want others to see you running about." 

Running. Vanessa's worries faded away and she grew excited, "You're going to take me out to run? Is that why you told me to buy those shoes?" 

Miles saw her change in demeanor, shot her a lopsided smile and shrugged. 

She squinted at him and stood up, putting her hands on her hips. "Did you plan this? Since yesterday?" 

"I might've." He grinned.

"I should get my maid Bridget then, and we could all go together." She said.

"You don't have to bring your maid," He shook his hand in a gesture, "Nessa, you can trust me not to ravish you if we're alone. It will be much more fun if it's just the two of us, embracing the freedom of the outdoors."

Freedom. She thought. That sounds wonderful. 

"Just make haste and get your shoes on, I will wait here while you change." Miles walked to a nearby seat and sat down.

Vanessa quickly but quietly went to her room, feeling herself fill with excitement. It reminded her of the first time she convinced Henry to lend her a pair of breeches. It was rebellious, something she knew she would absolutely get in trouble for. 

And now, she would be sneaking with with Miles Bridgerton, in the ancestral home of the viscount. Thrilling in so many ways. She loved that Miles was daring enough to take the risk of being alone with her. Once she had donned her new footwear, she poked her head through the doorway of the room Miles waited in. 

"You're ready?" He asked, and she nodded excitedly, "Splendid. Come." 

He took her hand and lead her to the back entrance that the servants used. Her stomach fluttered when when their hands touched. 

The servants saw them, but did not question it, their lives were simply too busy to care about the possibly scandalous activities their employers inevitably partook in. And so, Miles and Vanessa slipped out into the estate, out into the vast fields of grass that they knew as Kent.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

If you liked it, please leave a vote or comment! It lets me know if I should continue posting.

-rhevior

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