Your Scent [JeonChan]

12

Aye domino

Have been listening to into the i-land all day because I enjoy suffering so you shall listen to it too

Alexa, you know what to do.

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The week had been full with practices, both for the solo and for the comeback, with show recording and variety shows, to the point where Jeongin felt so drained he could fall asleep on his feet.

His throat hurt too much to even bother to practise the solo on Friday, so he just sat on the couch, rolled in a blanket and watched some tv show while the other members moved around, or slept on their rooms.

He didn't want to let his mind wander, but as Felix got in, Changbin on his back, he felt a tug on his heart.

It had happened again.

Changbin had broken down, bad.

After a whole week of pressure, the rapper had finally let go of all the bottled up emotions, during a practice with all of them.

Chan had held the younger's hand through all of it, making him feel guilty.

How could he feel bad when Changbin had it way worse?

How could he feel sorry for himself, dare to make Chan worry about him, when Changbin suffered that way?

He sighed, curling his legs up as he saw the duo go into his room.

The last week had also been a week of attention for him.

Felix, Chan and Minho didn't let him go for a single second, and he felt more guilty than thankful.

Chan hadn't mentioned that day again, but he didn't try to avoid the younger as well. He was more touchy, turning him into a tomato more than once a day, but never tried to talk about what had happened.

And that also bothered Jeongin.

"I'm going to bed. You're staying up? Everyone already went.", Hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows at the younger on the couch, and sat down next to him to gain his attention.

How could he even dare to shed a tear when some people had it way worse.

"Innie?"

He didn't deserve to be sad.

Hyunjin shook his shoulder, and Jeongin hated himself for feeling so warm at the touch.

Like he cared.

He didn't deserve to be cared for.

He hated the knot on his throat, the blinking of his tears eyes, he hated the light from the tv that didn't hide the tears that finally broke free from his eyes.

"Yang Jeongin, what is-" HyunJin froze at the sigh, the tears flooded like a river, but the younger didn't move. "Innie, oh my god."

Jeongin hated himself.

And he hated that he hated himself.

He finally let his feelings out again as Hyunjin pulled him into a hug, muffling his cries against his chest.

Jeongin hated that Hyunjin knew now.

That he was weak.

The older kept whispering incoherent words to his ear, hugging him like he meant it as well, caressing his head and letting his sobs increase.

Jeongin hated that he was that noisy, making his members wake up.

He heard the doors, and he knew everyone thought he was weak now, after all they all saw the news about that night in the street, and even if they didn't connect the dots before, they did now.

Weak.

Failure.

"Innie? Oh my god." Changbin and Felix appeared next to them, his roommate still with his swollen face, taking his hand with a worried face. "Innie, please look at me."

He did, he looked not only at him, but at the others.

He looked at Felix, with tears in his eyes, Jisung in Minho's embrace, Hyunjin by his side and Seungmin kneeled on the ground as well.

He felt Chan's arms around him from the back.

When had he sat down on the couch?

"Sweetie I need you to breathe with me, okay? Slowly."

Slowly?

He felt the tugging of his heart, the hammering, and only then realized his light head, his hurt lungs, the way his chest rose and fell too fast to be healthy.

How come he didn't notice it before?

"You got this Innie.", Chan kissed his temple, and the younger closed his eyes, concentrating on Changbin's voice and the hand that caressed his.

It felt like ages before he finally managed to get his breathing under control, and when he finally did, he fell to the side and fell asleep on Chan's shoulder, completely drained.

"What the hell just happened?", Hyunjin knew the answer, but he needed to hear it.

Changbin got up with Felix's help, also him drained from the afternoon before.

With a small smile a a few tears staining his face, fresh tears, he reaching to brush Jeongin's hair.

"He had another attack."

"Another?", Seungmin frowned.

"It's normal to have one or two without anything behind but, Chan... I doubt these are the first, he simply doesn't even notice. You know when we find him asleep in studios and stuff? Think he was just tired? My guess-"

"Yes, probably.", the leader pulled the boy in his arms closer. "What are we going to do now? He refused to talk about it."

"I'll deal with it. I think... I think I know why he avoids it.", Changbin bit his lip, trying not to cry again. "You should get him to bed."

Chan nodded.

"He'll be with me tonight, you can go back, I don't think I can let him go for now."

Chnagbin nodded and, slowly, all the members left back to their rooms, until only the leader and Jeongin were at the living room.

Chan kissed his forehead lightly, feeling the younger's breath itch, and the latter moved in his embrace.

"I love you so much, Innie. Please take care of yourself."

Jeongin hated that Chan loved him, because he couldn't even love himself.

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This feels odly personal