Andy & His Half Clogged Brain

8

Past

"You should've discussed with me before doing so",

"Well I'm the one doing it, so its my decision"

"Not when it effects me as well". I stand at the entry way of the kitchen while she prepares dinner . This is how its been with us . This is the place where we find each other at our worst and vulnerable times. Mainly because its her territory (she has made it one) a place where she feels the strongest and the brightest. The confidence which is visible in her posture and her voice is something she doesnt carry with her everywhere. But not taking anymore of her baseless talks I enter her safe-heavens with the motive of crumbling it.

"Sofia listen to me, this is how it works in the real world, you need money for living even if you want or you dont want to", she drops her knife on the chop board and turns her face away from me.

"Thats low even for you Andy", following her lead I also turn my head in the opposite direction to her. She doesn't leave the kitchen

'How long is this going to go on. You simply cannot leave you're job , stay at home and decide to join another when you feel like it. Not when its you're fault that we even are in this much debt", she retorts back with

"My fault! My fault for actually wanting growth in life. My decisions of not living in cramped spaces for the rest of my life, having rats for companion, house with leaking faucets, pungent smelling bathrooms, thin paper walls and dont even get me started on the cheap locality". She continues to cook while talking as if this conversation didnt even deserve her attention.

"Wow I'm sorry for not being able to afford a castle for you princess".

She knocks on the guest bedroom to say, "Dinners ready"

"I'm not hungry". I switch off the lights of the room to give her an indication that I was sleeping. Though that doesn't faze her, even in the slightest as the locks keeps on turning but the door doesn't budge under her weight .

"This is very childish Andy. Act like an adult". I hear steps of her retreating but through the small gap between the floor and where the door ends a black forms seems to cover the little bit of light that was entering.

The morning is no different than the night. I escape the house before she could wake up and have breakfast outside. While my stomach is relieved now on seeing and savoring the food, my mind is occupied with other things.

In the past 7 years I have gone from being in the sales to becoming manager and then at a stage of being jobless. One fine day, arriving at my usual time I notice no guard at the front of the office no problem , receptionist on the call looking worried, an empty lift that too at work hour and walking into the office alley to my personal chambers while people had huddled themselves into groups. Approaching my table an envelope greets me which explains me how bad the economy is and how the company is struggling and they had to let some people go. That some included me or was just me. As my colleges would later explain me that how I was a mediator between the upper staff and sales department so removing me would be of no inconvenience to them.
With a help of a friend a job as club manager didnt sound so bad , just for the time being was what I was telling myself ( funny). The pay is moderate but not strong enough to carry the expenses of day to day, a house and all those things which are needed to live a life. Sofia can never work at the same place for more than two months. She prefers to be a homemaker and sees me as the man who earns. Countless fights have followed through with little suggestions

"Let's go back to the apartment", I would say and she would never say yes to this.

But its not something we carry back to the bed