Mind of Mine || ʙᴀᴋᴜɢᴏ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

chapter 58

together we laugh, together we cry
these simple feelings were maybe all i had

A silver voice whispers 'yes' in your mind, and the word is right at the tip of your tongue, ready to make it happen. But you hear a faint pounding, making you hesitate when answering. 

when will it be when i see you face to face
i'll look you in the eye and say i missed you

Say yes, the voice whispers, urging you to seal the deal. But something or someone is holding you back from doing so.

The Boss takes advantage of your silence, mistaking it as you being unsure of what choice to make, "When I raised all three of you, I never thought the story would end this way." Dark eyes look towards the horizon, where it seems to extend for miles with no sign of it ending. "I had hope, a dream where the three of you would change the views of the world. But never did I expect this. I saw the darkness filling Kai's heart, and yet I stood and did nothing. When I was dying, I began to regret never reaching out to the boy."

You don't say anything, merely listening to his words while looking towards the horizon, just like the man, searching for the missing memories.

"If I had shed light on Kai, stopped him from becoming obsessed with ridding the world of plagues, then my grandbaby wouldn't have suffered. Maybe then you wouldn't be sitting here next to me, covered in scars from wounds that I encouraged. I could've saved Touya from his fate, stopped him from drowning in guilt and pain." The name of your brother tugs at something, and you see the flash of an image, where his blood-stained smile looks at you one last time before it fades.

The man sighs heavily, closing his eyes as he speaks now. "If I did one thing differently, a lifetime of pain could've been avoided."

"Do you ever regret it? Do you regret raising me the way you did, putting me through years of torture, and ripping my childhood away? Do you regret making me feel like a weapon of destruction, like a monster who was incapable of feeling love and happiness?" Your voice gets louder and louder, to where you are shouting, but you never look at him. No, you didn't want to see his eyes, afraid of what emotions you might find swimming there. "Do you regret the pain you inflicted on me?! Do you regret taking away my one shot at a normal life?! DO YOU REGRET RUINING ME?!"

"I do."

His voice is heavy with regret, but even now, it is too late.

The tears don't fall as you expected. They may burn, but they never fall, and you take pride in not letting the moment of weakness become real. The next seconds are silent, with an occasional heavy breath from you as you try to regain control over your emotions. Fiery embarrassment wants to flood your body at the emotional outburst. The Boss hated emotional outbursts like these, stating that only the weak cried, and he engraved that mentality into your body. But you didn't have to listen to the man anymore. Someone else, someone kind and comforting who liked to stop and pet cats and smelled like coffee and lavender, that someone said that feeling was never a bad thing, that it made you human.

Suddenly, you wanted to burst into tears again, wishing your father was there to hold you like he had done a million times before, rubbing his hand up and down your back, reminding you that you are loved and that he was insanely proud of you. Looking up, you let the tears burn as you bite down on your tongue, allowing the physical pain to distract you from the emotional pain.

"He's a good man. Eraserhead, right?"

You sniff before nodding, your voice hoarse, "Yeah, he's more than just a good man. He's the best hero out there, an excellent teacher who cares deeply about his students, and the most amazing dad ever. When he told me he wanted to adopt me, I was so shocked because I couldn't believe this shaggy hero, who I had only known for a few days, had seen something worthy in me. I cried like a baby," you laugh wetly at the memory, staring fondly at the patterns on the socks you had on. "I've never seen Eri so happy before. He treats us like we are the greatest treasures in his life."