NOT DEAD YET | C. GRIMES

FIFTY - TWO

"I understand that." He nodded. "But I haven't earned it." She held back another sigh. "C-Can I tell you a secret?" She perked up-finally something to distract her mind.

"Of course." She nodded. "I'll take it to the grave, what is it?" Eugene let out a shaky breath, turning from where he sat on his bed to fully face Luna.

"Well uh...th-the reason I deserve to be here, in this cell..." His hands rung, and she couldn't help but lean forward slightly. "I killed Sasha." She sat, frozen for a few seconds.

"That's not funny, Eugene." She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm not being funny." He said immediately. "It's my fault she's dead." Luna couldn't make heads or tails of his words.

"W...What do you mean?" She finally asked.

"When we were there, at the Sanctuary, she was locked up in the cells." He said. "The night before...he came here, I went to talk to her. She asked me to...bring her something. Something to kill herself with. A knife, a gun, glass...but I couldn't do that. So I...I made her a pill. Cyanide, completely painless and fast acting. I gave it to her fight before we left for Alexandria, knowing full well that she wouldn't make it this far. Honestly I...I thought I'd end up dead in the crossfire, because I knew Rick wouldn't comply with Negan's demands." Luna couldn't help but cringe lightly at the name. "But I was showed mercy. So that's why I deserve to stay here. I killed Sasha." Luna let out a deep breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "Tell anyone you want, I don't care. I'm already here, where I belong. Where I can't hurt anyone else."

"Eugene..." Luna breathed out. "It's not...it's not your fault."

"But I made-"

"Yeah, you did, but it was her choice." Luna nodded. "Knowing Sasha she...she probably would've just attacked him as soon as he opened the casket no matter what. It was her choice." She paused for a moment. "And I'm not gonna tell anyone." She shook her head. "Rosita...it'll just upset her too much. She'll do something rash, I know it. And then your death would be on me. I can't do that." He nodded his head understandingly. "Hey, can I tell you a secret, too?"

"What? Did you get one of our friends killed, too?" He joked. "Sorry, not funny."

"No uh...something a little different than that." Luna was too distracted in her brain to even register Eugene's joke.

—————

"Carol?" Luna's eyes widened as she pulled open the gate.

"Hey." Carol smiled. "Let me help with this." Luna nodded, taking a hold of the bars and, with Carol's help, pushing open the heavier part of the gate. They pushed it enough for the truck behind Carol to cruise through the gate and, much to Luna's surprise, Carol pulled her into a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm uh, I'm good." Luna nodded, barely getting a chance to hug her back before Carol had pulled away. "What are you doing here? Not that I'm not happy to see you, I just-"

"No I get it." Carol chuckled. "Well, we had a pretty surplus after our latest harvest-even after what we usually send to the Hilltop-so I thought it might be nice to bring some things by." Carol was gazing around the community for a moment before she looked back at Luna "Where's Rick?"

"He and Michonne left yesterday, they're visiting Maggie right now." Luna explained. "I dunno when they'll be back. They've both been overworking themselves with the expansion so they're kinda on vacation right now." Carol chuckled, nodding.

"Hey dude!" Jerry called out, and Luna turned to see him walking over. He raised his hand, and she gladly high fived him back. "Where can we take all this stuff?"

"Pantry's that way." Carol pointed up the street. "See that alley?" Jerry nodded. "Second garage door on your right, should be open. Right, Luna?"

"Oh, yeah we keep it open all day." Luna nodded. "You can't miss it."

"Sweet." Jerry said. "We'll just run this up there, then."

"Do you wanna see Judy or anything?" Luna offered as Jerry moved back towards the truck. "She's with Tara right now, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking a break."

"Sure." Carol smiled at her. "Let's go."

—————

"I forgot how nice it is here." Carol said, looking down at Judy's sleeping form in her lap. "At least, on days like this when nothings happening."

"Yeah, you're tellin' me." Luna sighed, nodding. She saw Carol's look, so she sighed lightly again. "A few weeks ago, Rosita and I spotted a Scavenger in the tree line. Everyone's been kinda on edge since then. Today's really the first day where it's felt normal since."

"I'm sure it's nothing." Carol brushed it off. "Besides, they ought to know they can't beat us by now. That leader woman is probably just having them keeping tabs." Luna couldn't believe how level headed Carol was being about this, though she couldn't help but agree. Jadis wasn't going to do anything, not now. She'd lost too many people, and Luna wasn't convinced that she herself hadn't died by now anyway.

"You're probably right." Luna nodded. They fell into silence, staring out from Rick and Michonne's porch at the slow moving puffy clouds in the sky. Somewhere on one of the streets, a few kids were playing loudly-laughing and screaming like had no idea what lie outside the walls. Luna had noticed the light frown that had set in on her face until Carol spoke up.

"What's wrong?" Luna turned, looking back over at her. "You look like you've got a secret."

"You have no idea." Luna couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "Really."

"Well, I'm great at keeping secrets." Carol said as she looked back out at the neighborhood. "Just saying." Luna bit her lip, thinking for a moment. She'd started with Eugene, and that had gone over well. Despite how much she'd wanted Michonne to be the first to know, it was now becoming clearer that telling Michonne would be something she'd have to work up to. So maybe telling Carol second wasn't such a bad idea.

"Well uh...Carl and I visited Maggie about a month, month and a half ago." Luna started, trying to choose her words carefully and not get overexcited and just blurt it out. "And uh...well...while I was there I figured I might as well see Dr. Carson because I'd been feeling a little sick. So I went and saw him and uh...well as it turns out I'm...I'm kinda..." Luna couldn't say it, and she didn't know why. She was excited, she was so excited, and telling Eugene had been easy, so why wouldn't the words come out now?

"Yeah, I can tell." Carol nodded, still not looking over at her. "You've got that...glow about you." A small smile spread across Carol's face. "I never believed in that, you know? That pregnancy glow. I thought it was just bullshit. But then...I had my own, and I saw it in the mirror everyday for nine months. And then I saw it every time I looked at Lori, I saw it the last time I looked at Lori. And I saw it in Maggie for a while too." Carol finally looked over at Luna. "Second you opened that gate, I saw it. It's pretty obvious once you know what it looks like."

"Huh." Was all Luna could say, making Carol laugh.

"You look good, though. Great, even." Carol nodded. "Better than you have since I've known you, that's for sure."

"You said it's obvious?" Luna asked.

"Well, to me at least, sure." Carol nodded. "But I doubt it's very hard to spot if you've been pregnant yourself. Trust me, once you start showing you're gonna find yourself in front of a mirror more than you ever have in your life."

"Obvious..." Luna breathed out, sitting back in her chair. The only thing in her minds eye was that look. That look that Michonne had been giving her since before they'd even gone to see Dr. Carson. That fucking look.