toxic|chan

~sixteen~

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I fucked up. I wasn't paying attention. I honestly thought I deleted that song forever ago. It hurts listening to it—especially now." Chan lowers his head as he stuffs his hands in his pockets.

I stand beside the door, ready to tug it open in a moments notice. I don't know how to respond to him. There's nothing I could say that wouldn't escalate the situation. I want to yell at him. I want to slap him and tell him how much I hate him—but—if I do that I know I'll end up doing something I regret.

"Just do it. Yell at me. I'll hold myself back. I can't fuck up knowing he could walk in at any second. I don't have power here—I'd be stupid to actually try something." Chan encourages as he paces back and forth a good six feet away from me.

There's no point in yelling at him. He knows he did wrong. He truthfully seems like he didn't mean to do it. I went into it thinking he was trying to get to me. I assumed he only had ill intentions. I thought he was mad about me being with HyunJin and wanted to try and get between us, but he truly didn't me a it.

"I'm only here because Jinnie told me to be." I mumble as I play with the hem of my shirt. I can't look at him. If I look at him it makes all of this even harder.

"Please—I need to know you're not mad at me—at least not because of the song. I didn't mean it—really. I never planned on sharing it with anyone but you. It was supposed to be an apology—I sent it to you in hopes of mending the wrongs between us. It clearly didn't work—but I tried. I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I already have." Chan swallows hard as he looks over at me. No matter how much I don't want to, I know I have to answer him. I know I need to help ease his worry. It's the least I can do for him.

"I'm not mad." I sigh as I kick at the ground. For awhile, I thought I was mad. I thought I was furious at him for letting something so personal fall into another person's hands—but I wasn't mad. I was disappointed and sad. I was heartbroken that he would be so careless with something so fragile.

"I really didn't mean it, Bab—Summer. I really am sorry. I can't say it enough. I really hope it didn't get to you too much." Chan takes a shaky breath before meeting my gaze.

"Don't worry about it. Can we go back now? I don't like being alone with you. I'm scared I'll do something I know I shouldn't." I admit without much thought. HyunJin knows I'm scared of making a mistake, but I don't know if I explicitly told Chan yet or not.

"You're scared of me—not me directly—but the people we become when we're together—yeah—we can go." Chan quickly puts his hurt to rest and reaches in front of me to tug the door open. He motions me into the hall before following out after me.

"Jinnie." I quickly make my way toward HyunJin as he turns the corner. I assume he was coming to check on me. He knew I didn't want to be alone with him, but he threw me into it. He probably felt bad.

"My Love—did you finish talking? Hm? You talked to him, right?" HyunJin looks down at me as I wrap my arms around his waist and look up at him.

Chan lowers his head and slips around us. He silently makes his way toward the studio to start working with the others. I glance toward him for a fraction of a second before looking back at HyunJin and nodding.

"I just don't want things to get complicated. You have to live and work with him. You can't let everything that happened get in the way of things. It might lead to you not having a place to stay or food to eat. No matter how bad I'd want to help you, I wouldn't be able to do much." HyunJin smooths my hair down before leaning down to kiss my forehead.

"It's fine, Jinnie." I reassure him as I pull back to take his hand in mine. I start toward the studio, but he tugs on my arm.

"I have to go do something. You go first. The boys are in there, so you won't be alone with him. I'll be there in a few minutes. I promise." HyunJin gently slips his hand from mine and motions for me to go. I swallow hard, but do as told. He's probably going to the bathroom or something. I can't stop him.