Without Jaxton (Loving Jaxton Book #2)

forgiveness - chapter 9

Rylee's POV

True to his word Jax stops by the house. He said he'd see me tomorrow, and today was tomorrow. The kids are running around outside in the backyard, jumping in the swimming pool, and playing with pool floats as he walks onto the back patio towards the house backdoor. He stops and smiles when he looks at the kids having fun, and I'm just sitting in the shade, still in my scrubs and Cloves, sitting quietly.

I don't know what to think anymore about anything. I knew that Jax was my guy years ago, and when he left that feeling left with him, but now that's he's back, it's hard not to look at him and want what we used to have. Especially since he fucked me sideways yesterday into at least nine different positions. And I missed it, I did.

I've thought about what this would be like for years, having my husband back. And I've cried myself to sleep many nights asking what I did wrong. But after our conversation yesterday I kind of realize that he wasn't okay either. Maybe we both we're doing our parts as a married couple, and that's what triggered us fighting until we broke apart. I understand what he told me, emotionally I wasn't in the right place, meaning that I did kind of leave the relationship. But he wasn't there, he didn't hold me like a husband should, and he didn't tell me everything would be okay. He just walked away, and I'm still so hurt by that.

"Hey" Jax starts sitting down next to me in the patio chairs. He's wearing his signature black hat with athletic shorts and shoes, and I'm wearing sunglasses, which I'm thankful for since they'll cover my watery eyes or tears. I just know it'll happen when he's this close.

"Hi" I whisper back looking at the kids swimming around. "How are you?" He asks as I laugh. "Wonderful" I tell him as he leans back and crosses his ankle over his knee.

"I'm just dandy myself. Took a massive shit this morning that really cleaned me out and all." He tells me as I smile while letting out a soft laugh. He looks over and smiles back when I realize he only wanted to make me laugh.

"I miss hearing you laugh." He tells me as I look over. "I don't. Not with you." I spit out right back to him.

"Ry, please," he asks looking over as I look away from him. I look down at his hand sitting on the side of the chair and laugh at his wedding ring still on it. "That helps you get the ladies into bed?" I ask pointing to it still on his finger as he quickly looks down and adjusts it. Jax always told me he'd get hit on more married that he did before we were married, he said women must have liked that he was a good one, and that's why it'd happen at least once a week.

I had a hot husband, and he knows that. I just don't know if we have that anymore.

"Nope, the only one I've fucked in five years has been my wife," he tells me bluntly as I remove my sunglasses and look right into his eyes. He can't be serious right now, he can't.

"You're lying" I tell him as he shakes his head no. "You've been the only one riding my dick in the past five years. I don't jerk off and you know that." he tells me as I stare into his eyes. I know he doesn't do that, he's never done it. He's told me multiple times that he hates the idea of it, well he did when we were together. He said he'd rather "let me ride him until his dick breaks" instead.

"How do I know if you're telling the truth?" I ask. "You don't. But I hope that you trust me enough to know I wouldn't lie to you about that. You're my woman, and you're my wife. I wouldn't fuck anyone but you." He tells me as I quickly pull my sunglasses back up. I look over watching the kids as he moves his chair closer to me.

"Was, past tense" I add as he shakes his head no. "Why are you so fucking resistant to getting back together? Rylee I'm sorry. How much more do I owe you?" he asks as I glare at him.