Without Jaxton (Loving Jaxton Book #2)

talk - chapter 6

"But that's the thing. You can regret it but that doesn't matter. You still did it. You still left, I was-, do you even remember when I called you over and over again crying my eyes out as I sat over the toilet puking my guts out over what you did? Or when I tried over and over again to get you to come back and you wouldn't. I tried for an entire year, when you didn't even care that I was going through postpartum depression, might I add because you refused to wear condoms." I spit out to him.

"I fucking know that and I'm sorry. I wasn't okay either and I've finally realized that I miss you after therapy. I fucking want us back Ry." he tells me trying to step forward to me as tears whelp in my eyes and I back away.

"You only miss me because Evan is someone new who wants me." I spit out as he shakes his head no. "Baby" he whispers making me laugh as I pull away farther.

"No, I am not your baby. What is wrong with you?! Five years JAX! I waited on you for five fucking years and I would have opened my arms willing to take you back because I was so in love with you. I was, I married you because I loved you with my whole fucking heart. I would have done anything for you. But you just walked away when I needed you the most, that's not a husband that's a fucking coward." I tell him as he stills.

"I'll do anything to get us back" he whispers to me as I look up into his eyes. I'm teary and emotional already and he's on the verdge of tears just looking at me.

"What changed? Was there someone else?" I ask wiping a stray tear from my face. "What do you mean?" he asks. "What changed to make you go?" I ask.

"I felt like you picked our kids over me in everything, no matter what. I knew that something was wrong, but when I'd find you willingly missing dates I had planned or in the middle of sex you'd just let me finish so you could leave, that shit hurt me. There's a difference between being a good mom and being overbearing, and you pushed me away for them." he tells me. I never even realized he felt that way, he never even told me.

"Why didn't you just say something?" I ask. "What would it have done? The only time we were okay was when we got away after our major fight the first time and it was just us. I thought you'd realize that you needed me just as much as I needed you but when we came back the cycle just started all over again. The only time we had good sex was when you got pregnant with Kurt" he spits out as my mouth drops.

"You fucking liar, we had sex all the time. I literally would let you fuck me whenever you wanted" I spit out. "I said good sex, not sex when you're limp as a log letting me fuck you." he spits out as tears fall down my face.

"What was I supposed to do? I was breastfeeding, taking care of Maddie, depressed and pregnant when I didn't even know it!" I exclaim.

"Talked to me," he tells me moving his hands to emphasize himself. "The one time I did you left" I spit out walking away. I knew this shit was a bad fucking idea, I knew it. I knew I that this shouldn't have happened today. I make it to my bedroom and I storm in ready to slam the door when he follows me.

"Don't walk away when I'm trying to talk to you" he spits out behind me as I turn around and push his chest as hard as I can making him stumble back. "Like you did?!" I yell wiping my tears. He reaches for me and grabs me into his chest stopping my hands from hitting him when he sits me on the bed and forces me to listen to him.

"I'm sorry Rylee. I fucked up, I don't know how to fix it" he tells me calmly. "You can't fix something that you've broke in half, stomped on, crushed, neglected, and ripped apart now can you?" I ask him as he reaches for my face in his hand and I continue crying as I push it away.

"I'm begging you Ry, please" he whispers laying his forehead on mine. I continue crying my eyes out as he reaches up wiping my tears in his hands. I want to say no, and force him to stop touching me but having his hands on me brings back all the good memories that we used to have, before this.

"Why did you hurt me?" I whisper out softly as I clutch his shirt in my hands. He reaches for my hips and lifts me off the bed as he wraps my legs around his waist like he used to do. He sits down with me straddling his thighs as he rubs my back in his hand and kisses my forehead.

"I'm so sorry" he whispers wiping my tears as they fall down my face, to my neck. I see a few slip from his face when he wipes them away and reaches for my hips to pull me closer to him.

"Sorry doesn't fix what you did" I whisper out, laying my head on his shoulder to contain my sobs. "And I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you give me the chance" he tells me rubbing my back and shoulder blade. I cry for five minutes, heavily sobbing when his sniffles and mine both mix.

When I pull back ready to talk to him he's crying just as much as I am. I reach to hold his jaw in my hand when he does the same thing to me like we used to. "Please" he whispers leaning closer to me as he rubs my face.

I don't expect to, and I don't know why, but in that moment I see a glimpse of what my husband used to be and when we both stare into the eyes of each other I'm brought back to years ago when we actually used to talk. He just stares at me continuing to have tears fall out of my eyes when we both lean forward and kiss the other at the exact same time.