Summerset

Summerset Chapter 5

Finally after about an hour of explaining a quick call to Stellar and tripping over several flat surfaces I finally got Josh to believe that there was nothing going on with me and Ash. Now we were on the beach lying on my beach towel.

"Are you still sure I have nothing to worry about? I mean he does live with you." he said giving me an insecure look that I knew he didn't feel. I laughed and kissed him. He kissed me back harder than I had intended for the kiss to go. Next thing I knew he was on top of me still kissing me and playing with my swimsuit top.

"No, I'm not doing this here." I said around his mouth. Knowing what he was intending to happen. But my hands seemed to be out of my control as they slipped under his shirt and pulled him closer to me.

He didn't even bother to say anything he just kept kissing me. I didn't even seem to want him to stop anymore so much for my inner strength! My mouth opened and his tongue slipped in. I moaned at the feel of him in my mouth. His shirt came off abandon in the sand while he had to break the kiss for a second. Then his mouth moved to my neck tenderly licking and kissing it. I moaned again hands exploring his naked chest.

I knew where this was going that there was no way to stop it and that we didn't have protection and there was nothing I could do to stop it. My swim suit top came off and it seemed like all Josh could look at was my breasts now that he uncovered them. He kissed them both and dove in between them to kiss me there.

 I moaned, arching my back pulling him closer to me. Then his swim trunks came off and I froze up. I had never been in this kind of situation before, this wasn't normal for me and I didn't know what to do. He had to move my body for me letting me know what he wanted. He moved my hand down showing me that it was OK. I got my confidence back and pressed myself to him leaving my swimsuit bottoms behind and letting him enter me.

I had lost my V-card on a beach! I knew it wasn't about the place but the person you were with and how much you loved them. I had read this a thousand time in books and they were right you could be on your wedding bed, having waited all this time for a special someone but if you didn't truly love that someone then it wouldn't mean anything, but if you were on a beach with a person you would lay your life down for then even though you were on a beach it wouldn't matter because you loved that person it would mean more than any flowers or box of chocolates in the world.

And that was the problem. Just as I felt all the regret wash over me I knew that I didn't love Josh, and I never would. I had ruined everything by doing this because we could never go back we could never just be friends again.

He took me home and we talked about stuff like normal. When we finally got to my house it was 1:30. Let my true walked begin.

He stopped me before I got out of his car. "I love you." he said and I saw in his eyes that he meant it. He really loved me.

"I love you too." I lied to him. I couldn't bear telling him that I didn't or just walking away and I didn't realize how much lying to him would hurt. It hurt worse than leaving my home and moving here with complete strangers did. Now watching his car pull away from my drive way for the first time since I had gotten here I wanted to go home.

A soon as his car was out of sight I dropped to the ground in tears.

I didn't know how long I had been sitting there before I went inside. But when I finally did no one was awake to see my walk of shame. I think that was worse than if they were. Because if they had been at least their jokes would get me off the topic of my lie.

 I wouldn't have to think about in as I crawled into bed and I wouldn't have to constantly remind myself to be quiet. I went to sleep after fighting with my inner voices on how I handled life and what my parents would think of me now. Let’s just say it was a long fight and I didn't win.

What would my parents think if they had seen me? What would they think of me if they were still alive? Would they even care? And do I mind?