Stay Strong

~5~

*May Be Triggering*

Parisa's POV

Just one small cut will take away the pain..." Self Harm! I couldn't do that!
"Do you want to feel better?"
"Yes." I said out loud.
"Then do it. Just on small cut and all your problems will float away."
I blindly stood up and stumbled to the bathroom. I found my razor and chucked it on the floor. It shattered. I picked up the blade, my hands trembling. I placed it on my wrist, was I really gonna do it?

I slid down the bathroom wall, taking the razor off my arm. I put it in small box and put it in the cabinet. I couldn't do it... Not again.

**Flashback**
17th May 2010

I fell to the floor, dropping my books.
"Whoops, didn't see you there." Chloe Laughed meanly.
"How did you not see this Fat Thing Chloe?" Sally smirked.
"I don't know, I must have been blinded by her ugliness." Chloe smiled, standing over me.

I felt the tears stream down my face, this had become a daily thing, the bullying. Everyday Chloe and her friends would hurt me; physically and mentally.

"Oh is Parisa sad?" Chloe laughed. "What a loser... That's why no one likes you."
I sat up looking up at them as the tears continued to pour down my face. I saw a crowd start to develop around us, most of them laughing at me. I could see my best friend Charlie (George) standing at the side, looking down.
"You're useless Parisa, no one cares about you. You're just an ugly, fat freak that everyone hates."

With that I stood up and ran away. My urges were coming back, to cut, to purge. I ran through the corridors, I could hear everyone laughing at me.
"PARISA STOP!" I heard Charlie yell. I heard his footsteps chasing me.

I ran all the way home, taking a shortcut that Charlie didn't know about. I burst through the door, still In Tears. Zahra was sat on the sofa in the living room with Matthew (her boyfriend) while my mum was in the kitchen.

I rushed up the stairs before they could say anything. Sprinting into the bathroom; locking the door behind me. I dug through the drawers, pulling out my small blue box. Opening it was a struggle (because I was crying) but I managed it.

I pulled out my razor and plunged it into my left arm. Dragging it across my arm multiple times. It normally would silence my demons, but not today.
"Worthless. Ugly. Fat." Each insult resulted in a cut to match. Yet my demons were not silenced.

"Parisa! Open the freaking door! I know what you're doing!" I heard Charlie shout as he pounded on my door. For a 12 year old he was really smart in situations like this.

"No Charlie... I can't.... I won't" I said back. I started slicing my stomach.
"Parisa, let me in." He yelled.
"No Charlie!" I yelled back. I needed to feel the relief. I pushed the blade back onto my left arm, cutting deeper than I ever had. I sliced deep cuts along my wrist, suddenly the room began to spin and my vision.

Suddenly the door burst open and everyone was there (mum,zahra, Matthew and Charlie). He must have got them to help him ran the door open. I saw Charlie start to run over to me. He grabbed my hand tightly, then I blacked out.

~~~~~later in hospital~~~

I remember waking up in hospital. Charlie and my mum were asleep on the couch in my hospital room, Zahra and Matt must be waiting outside. My arm was firmly wrapped up, covering my wounds.

A doctor walked in, he jumped when he saw me awake. I giggled a little when he jumped.
"You're awake?!?" He smiled.
"Um, I think so.." I smiled cheekily in return.
He just smirked at me before walking over to mum and shaking her awake. She looked over at me and beamed.

"You're alright baby-girl." She smiled taking a seat next to me.
I just smiled and nodded. Charlie ran over. A huge smile was plastered on his face.

"Thank the bloody heavens." He beamed.
He sat on the other side of me, on my left side. He started stroking over my bandages. Drawing small shapes as he. Looked me in the eye. His eyes welled up with tears, "Were you trying to kill yourself?" He asked.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself... I just needed relief. But if I had killed myself, I wouldn't have minded." I sighed.
He kept looking me in the eyes, as if he was trying to tell me something. Suddenly mum spoke up.
"How long Parisa?" She asked.
"How long have you been bullied for? How long have you been self harming? How long have you suffered?" She wept.
"Not long Mum." I lied through my teeth.
"Don't lie to her P." Charlie spoke up.
"What are you talking about Charlie?" I asked shocked, how did he know I was lying.

"For one I know you've been bullied since primary school. I witnessed it. And I know you started self harming around 13. Cuts don't just appear by themselves you know." He stated, his eyes big and sad. Damn this kid was observant.
"Why didn't you say anything about my cuts then Charlie?" I asked.
"I knew this was stopping your pain. I didn't like seeing you in pain so I didn't stop you cutting." He stated again.

"3 years..." My mum muttered. "3 freaking years you've been cutting and I didn't even notice..."
"It's not your fault Soph..." Charlie smiled. "She's just good at hiding things."
"Yeah mum, I'm gonna stop. I'm not gonna let them hurt me." I smiled.
"Promise me Parisa that if you ever feel like relapsing you will speak to someone." She said looking me deep in the eye.
"I promise." I said. I knew this was a promise I couldn't break.

**flashback over***

I couldn't break that promise, not now. I needed someone. I hadn't told Mikey or Betsy about my struggles, why should I? I doesn't matter now, I'm over it. Well at least I thought I was. My urges continued to grow...the demons getting louder. I reached passed my razor box to my phone. Punching in the number I pulled it quickly up to my ear ,as the demons continued to yell. He finally picked up.

"Charlie I need you now!" I mumbled urgently. I hung up and pulled my knees to my chest, and went back to sobbing. Trying so hard, to Block out my demons